A Matter Of Blood
by grei-eba
Summary: -COMPLETE- Dougie's misterious cousin comes back after their grandfather's death. His family is the only one she has becauser hers rejects her. Dougie and her form a special bond again... But maybe it becomes too special... Suck at summaries, I swear!
1. Home Is Where The Heart Is

**I'm back people! Oh yeah! :D**

**I had written this first chapter days ago but I knew I wouldn't find time to write more so I had to wait. I've just finished the second one and I'll try to write another soon very soon.  
**

**I had talked to a friend and told her I'd write a story for her... So, Vicky, be a bit patient, I will write your story ;) I just wanted to write this one first, then write yours.**

**By the way, I'm also translating 'Learning To Live' to Spanish, it's fun haha.  
**

**Enjoy and please review. I hope some of you are still reading my stories!**

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I'd never thought she would come back, not after so many years, and I'd even stopped thinking about her years ago, I was sure I'd never seen her again; she hadn't called, she hand't sent any emails, no messages, no letters, nothing, she'd just disappeared and nobody had _ever_ plained me why, nobody ever mentioned her again. I was incredibly surprised to see her there, it was like a dream. I didn't know what to feel, what to do or what to think. Should I talk to her? Should I be angry that she left without saying a word? Should I be happy that she was back after about 6 years? Should I stop staring at her like all the rest of the people who had ever met her? Should I ask someone if I was dreaming or this was really happening?

She was wearing dark clothes, just like anybody else in the room; today was my grandpather's funeral. I was upset because he'd always thought that funerals were cruel, that death shouldn't be a business, but my uncle had ignored how his father had felt about it and he'd organized the funeral anyway... I was just sitting in a corner with a white shirt and black trousers, staring at Anna, trying to decide what to do. She was my cousin but we had never looked similar at all; my hair was blond, hers was dark, my eyes were blue, hers were green, my skin was regular, she had fleckles... Not even our personalities had ever matched; I was shy, she was outgoing, I loved music, she loved reading, I was dumb, she was smart, and the list goes on and on... The only thing we had on common was the we were both losers at school, _freaks_, and we had the same blood, Poynter blood, running through our veins. She used to be more than just family to me, she was my best friend and I'll never understand what was so important that made her leave all of us just like that. Didn't she have time to say goodbye?

"What are you doing here?" my uncle Daniel said, kind of shouted actually, when he saw her. Mum had asked me never to ask my uncle anything about Anna and he'd never talked about her again. I'd figured out that he was just angry because she'd left for no reason. Anna looked at him calmly, but her eyes were just as full of cruelty as his.

"I've came to say my goodbyes to my grandpather" she said.

"You are not welcome here" his father said "Get out of here, Abrianna! **NOW!**"

"What is going on here!?" my mum said as she walked in, she seemed annoyed, but her face changed completely when she saw my cousin "Oh, my God, Abrianna... You're back..."

"And she's also leaving" my uncle said coldly. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know _what_, I certainly did _not_ want her to leave _again_ and she didn't look like she wanted to either...

"This is _my_ house, Daniel" my mum said firmly "_I_ decide who stays and who leaves, and she's _definitely _staying"

My mum's brother looked at her with anger for a moment "Fine. Then _I'm_ leaving"

Everybody watched as my uncle left the room with his wife, who didn't even look at her own daughter, but Abrianna didn't look at them either. Uncle Daniel closed the door loudly behind him and my cousin just avoided everbody's stare, including mine, I don't think she'd even noticed me yet. I wanted her to look up at me, I wanted her to notice me, I wanted some kind of explanation.

"_You_" my mum said, pointing at Anna with a finger "Kitchen, you and me, _now_. The rest of you go back to... Whatever you were doing"

As soon as everybody was back to talking about how great my grandpather had been, my little sister Jazzie ran to me as we both stood behind the kitchen's door. She was no longer crying, she seemed as surprised and confused as me.

"What the hell is she doing _here_, why _now_?" she asked "Why didn't you say something, Dougie?"

"_Me?_ What was _I_ supposed to say?"

"I don't know, you shouldn't have let uncle Daniel talk to her like that"

"He's her father, Jazz."

"Oh, he's a _jerk_"

"He's got his right to be angry... _She's_ the one who left _us_, remember?"

"She must have had her reasons, Dougie"

"Couldn't she had said goodbye at least? I waited... I mean _we _waited for her for _months_!"

"Don't get angry before listening to her explanations"

We couldn't hear anything from inside the kitchen, the door was too thick. Two minutes later, mum opened the door and I hit my face against it.

"What were you doing behind the door, son?" she said.

"I just... Nothing, forget about it"

"Anna wants to talk to you" she said and then looked at Jazzie, who was about to go to the kitchen "I meant Dougie, honey"

"Oh, dammit" Jazz whispered "Hurry up, Doug"

I entered the room a bit awkwardly and closed the door behind me. Anna was staring at me the hold time, looking calm and really sad, she looked cuter than ever to me. I held back my urge to hug her and leaned against the door to make sure nobody came in and interrupted us. My mind was full of questions and things I wanted to say, yet I couldn't speak my mind, my feelings were all mixed and I couldn't choose which question I should ask first.

"You've grown a lot" I said calmly.

She laughed ironcly and crossed her arms over her chest "You haven't seen me in about 6 years and all you've got is '_you've grown a lot_'?"

"Well, what did you expect me to say?" I said annoyed "That I waited for you every single day? That I'm upset because you left me on my own? You knew I didn't almost have any friends. You want me to tell you that I even dreamed about you coming back?"

"Dougie" she said before I could say anything else, and took my hand "I'm sorry. I _am_. I _had_ to leave. I knew my father would think I would come to you, that's why I didn't come here, he would have found me too easily. I didn't want to leave"

"Then why did you leave? What the hell happened?"

"Haven't your mum told you?"

"No! Nobody's told me _anything_, they just stopped mentioning you _years_ ago, like you never even _existed_. Mum asked me to stop asking about you because your dad had asked her to keep the secret"

"Well, I..." she blushed and looked down, I could tell she was feeling uncomfortable "This makes it more difficult, I thought you knew"

"Knew what? Just say it, dammit!"

"Will you promise not to hate me or anything like that?"

"I don't know, Abrianna... I just think I deserve to know, dont you think?"

She sighed and took my other hand too. She caressed it for a moment, then talked "I know it was a very stupid thing to do, alright? I was just... So sad... _Lost_. You knew me, you knew I didn't fit _anywhere_, I thought there was something wrong with me... And I kind of took some drugs-"

"_What_!? _Drugs_!? For Christ's sake, Anna, we were _15_!"

"And you don't think I know that? I didn't know they were _that_ strong! I wasn't thinking, Dougie! And they saw me, _dad_ saw me... You know how he feels about that stuff"

"That was the most stupid thing you could have _ever_ done, you know he's obsessed with religion, he hates that kind of things"

"He wanted to send me to Italy, to a church or something like that. Dougie, he was going to _make_ me become a nun. I _can't_ be a nun! I don't even believe in God! I _had_ to leave. I knew I could come back by the time I wasn't underage anymore... And here I am. I've thought about you all these years, I wanted to come back, I swear, but I was afraid. I missed you"

"I missed you too"

She put her arms around me, probably hoping I would hug her back, and I did. It was so good to have her in my arms again, to be closed to her. I didn't know if I was still upset or not, but love always wins over hate. I sighed and let go everything I was feeling, inlcuding my thoughts too. I finally had what I wanted, my bestfriend was finally back, I would get angry later, but I just wanted to injoy being with her at least for five minutes after 6 years of waiting.

"Promise me you'll never leave again" I whispered.

"I promise" she whispered back and smiled.


	2. The Trick To Life

**HARRY POTTER DOESN'T HAVE A SCAR IN THE 6TH MOVIE!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!??? I'M IN SHOCK!!!!!! I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS! And the worst it I'M NOT KIDDING I'M SERIOUS! His scar doesn't appear in so many scenes!! LOADS OF SCENES, FOR CRYING OUTLOUD! WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE MAKEUP GIRL!??? DID SHE GOT LAZY!?  
**

**Enjoy and review. I'm glad to be back :)**

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I stared into nothingnes for a long time, lost in thought. I was sitting a corner, thinking about my grandfather. From time to time I thought about something else, I could see over and over again memories of Anna and me when we were kids. I still couldn't believe she'd taken drugs. Drugs! How could I have not notice that? I should have been more aware of her situation. Why didn't I see she was _that_ sad? I could have done something about it and she would have never left.

I raced my head when Anna sat next to me. She looked so pale, as she also did when we were kids, she hadn't almost changed, kind of... Her face was the exact same to me, but she was taller and, well, she was a _woman _now, not a teenager anymore.

"Are you alright?" she said and awkwarly took my hand.

"We are in a funeral, I'm not _supposed_ to be alright" I said and smile with sadness.

"Did he suffer?" she asked, not looking at me this time. She also avoid looking at the coffin in the center of the room.

"I don't know, honestly" I said "I like to think he didn't"

"I would have liked to be there with him, you know? To see him one more time"

I looked down at her "Don't do that, don't cry, please not _you_, I can't stand watching someone else cry today, Anna"

"Sorry" she quickly wiped a tear away with her hand and I caressed her hand.

"He never showed signs of being angry with you after you left" I told her.

"He probably knew and probably understood why I had to leave"

"I can't stop thinking that I should have realised you were so miserable" I said "I should have known, you were counting on me"

"No, Dougie, don't do that, what happened wasn't your fault" she kissed my cheek, her lips were burning "Don't you think for a _minute _that it was your fault or I'll punch you."

"Yeah, _sure_, you look so weak that I bet you can't even beat a cockroach. You're burning"

"I am? Well, I've been getting sick a lot lately, it's nothing... I haven't been in the most hygienic places, you know?"

I felt a strong feeling in my chest that seemed to burn me: concern. I stood up and took her hand.

"Come with me" I said.

"Where are we going?"

"Upstairs, to get you clean up, Anna"

One hour later, she was wearing some of my sister's clothes and one of my sweater, that seemed huge on her. She was looking very thin and breakable, I couldn't help wanting to walk close to her all time, just in case she fell and got hurt. She sat on my bed and I sat on a chair, next to her. I'd given her a thermometer to check on her temperature and, yes, she had fever.

"Where have you been, Anna?" I asked her with curiosity and also because I wanted to understand why she was looking like this.

"In loads of different places" she said "I moved once a year or more. I usually worked in bars because as a underage I couldn't really get any other job. I've been staying with loads of different people, everytime I made a friend I stayed with them for a while"

"And what, they didn't feed you? You look as thin as the thermometer I gave you"

"I wasn't their _baby_, Dougie, they were nice enough to invite me to stay with them... Besides, they didn't have much money either."

"Did you live with _boys_?" the idea bothered me. It also bothered me not to know what she'd done all those years.

"I had to, do you rather have me living in the street?" she raced an eyebrow, upset for my annoyance "No, thanks. You have no idea what it's like to have nothing at all, you had it all so easy"

"Oh, I did?" I said annoyed "Let me remind you my father left us, _you _left us, I spent a whole year as a ghost after you left, then I finally joined McFLY"

"And now you have everything you want, don't you?" she was angry too "I _still_ don't have anything at all"

I sighed... This was the first day I saw her again after _years_, I didn't feel like fighting.

"I'm sorry... I lost it..." I mumbled "You're right, it was more complicated for you... And I don't have _everything_ I want, where you I put it?" I smiled at her but she didn't smle back.

"After some time it wasn't even complicated anymore" she said.

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't care anymore, Dougie... It's like that song by The Hoosiers... Everything I loved had turned into dust, the thing that I cared the most to me, _you_, was nothing but a memory then. The trick to life is not to get too attached to it. I didn't care if I died, if I didn't eat, if I was sick, I just gave up... I had the small hope that I would see you again but, appart from that, I had nothing to live for"

I stood up and sat by her side. I put an arm around her and she put her burning head on my shoulder.

"Don't say that, Anna... It almost sounds like you were waiting to die" I mumbled, the words came out of my mind slowly.

"Part of me _was_"

I softly pushed her away from me and took her face on my hands. My voice trembled when I talked, afraid at the thought of a dying Abrianna.

"Promise me you would never do that again" I said "Never let yourself fall into _that_ again. Promise me!"

She hesitated, but then nodded "I promise"

I put my arms around her again and she made herself comfortable in my chest.

"Do you remember the last time we were like this before you left?" I asked her.

"I do... Five days before I left, exactly"

"Wow, you really _do_ remember..."

"I remember everything about us, Dougie" I could feel her smiling and smiled too "I had a lot of free time to think about it. After all, I had nothing else to think about... _You_ kept me alive all these years"


	3. Promises

**I'm FREAKING OUT! My house is rather big and, right one, I'm the only one here. Not even my dog's at home!!!! OMG I hadn't realized my dog was gone! Wanna know what I witnessed last night? My room's wall from the side of the street is pure glass, like a huge window and it was opened because a nice wind came in. About 10pm I heard my neighbour, a 20 something years old girl screaming. She'd arrived home and saw the lights on and strangers inside. They took most her stuff from her house and she ran out to the street scared. I heard her while she called the police that arrived ONE HOUR LATER -seriously, I was listening to the whole thing and decided to check how much it took them to come- and only ONE woman showed up alone, what the hell would she do on her own? And the policestation is only about 6 to 8 streets away from here!!! Anyway, the thief were long gone by then. There are two constructions in each corner of my streets, so there are strangers all around, the ones who are building it, and they probably saw both my mum and dad leaving my house this morning, even the dog when the girl who takes it out for a walk came. So it's just me here, lonely and freaking out. How dare all of them leaving me alone after all the horrible stuff I heard last night?**

**I just wanted to let you know that ********dopeyangel101 **has posted her first story, so check it out, ok? It's a Twilight story. We should all support each other and reading at least the first chapter won't hurt you, right?  


**Enjoy and review.**

**Thanks to dopeyangel101, Amy and McSteph for their reviews.**

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I woke up confused in the morning, I hadn't realised I'd fallen asleep last night with Anna in my arms. She was barely moving, she still had her head on my chest and her arms around me, her eyes were a bit opened.

"Are you awake?" I whispered.

She nodded.

"Are you feeling better?"

She nodded again and felt her hand running down and up my chest as she put her hair behind her ear.

"Well, you know what they say; a good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book"

"I don't even remember the last time I'd slept this much" she said "I absolutely feel the diference"

"Did you have too much work before?"

"Kind of... It was actually because my roommates usually liked to party a lot. To avoid being as miserable as I was, they liked to party"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Alright"

"Did you do it again? The drugs, I mean..."

She didn't answer straight away and I knew what it meant. She must have felt the muscles of my arms tensing up and looked up at me. Abrianna looked even more breakable in the morning, how could that be possible?

"I didn't want to have to do it, Dougie..." she mumbled, ashamed "But sometimes, it was the only way to go on... You don't know what it's like to being hungry for _days_!"

"Do you still do it?"

"No! And I don't have to ever do it again. Don't you think I liked it!"

"I don't know _what_ to think, Abrianna"

She sighed and sat next to me. She looked at me and I just couldn't look away from her sorry eyes.

"I know what you must be thinking about me right now" she mumbled, her pain was almost tangible "and you are wrong. I felt but I'm still the same person. I'm your Anna, Dougie, your cousin, your _friend_"

"It's just... It's hard for me, Anna, you've been gone for so long. I need time"

"I was thinking about finding a job here, then I could try finding a new apartment-"

"No way" I quickly said "You are _not_ leaving this house again. If you need somewhere to stay, then stay _here_"

"There's no room for me, Dougie"

"Yes, there is! You can sleep in my room"

"Every night? Where are you going to sleep?"

"Well, here with you if you don't mind. We've slept together thousands of times before"

"Yes, but when we were _kids_"

"I don't get it... What's the difference?"

She raced an eyebrow and layd next to me again.

"I'll let you find out..."

I put an arm around her again and pushed her closer to me. I just couldn't help feeling that she would disappear in any moment.

"How does it feel being famous?" she asked me.

"I don't know... I know I'm 'famous', but I feel normal. You would like to meet my bandmates, they are my bestfriends" then Danny suddenly crossed my mind... I could already imagine him trying to flirt with my cousin and I wouldn't be comfortable with that.

I heard her giggle and looked down at her.

"What?"

"Your face... What were you thinking? You looked worried"

"There's this friends I have... Danny, he plays the guitar and sings... Well, I think he may try to... Get you into bed" well, yeah, that was the truth.

She laughed again "He can try, but he won't succeed"

"Well, you'll change your mind as soon as you meet him" I sighed.

"No, I won't... Boys are not something I'm interesting in now."

"But a life without a bit of romance is like a sunless garden when the flowers are **dead**"

"First you were worried that your friend may try to make a move on me and now you are encouraging me to have 'a bit of romance'?"

"It came to my mind and I just said it... But I'm glad you don't want anything with him"

"Why?" she raced an eyebrow and smiled with curiosity.

"I don't know, it'd be... _weird_, I think"

"We are not kids anymore, I'm 21, Dougie" she smiled "But, do not worry, my dear cousin, boys are out of my mind right now"

A question ran through my mind and I felt suddenly uncomfortable. I wanted to ask her, but the words wouldn't come out of my mouth, as if I didn't have the strength. I couldn't even imagine myself asking her and I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer either... Though I didn't know why I didn't know if I wanted to know the answer... Confusing, ins't it? That's the way my mind works, get used to it.

"Can I... Ask you something... Very personal?" I mumbled without looking at her.

I could almost feel her eyes on my face and her playful smile, my face probably looked wierd right now and she was trying not to laugh about it.

"What is it now?" she said.

"Have you ever... Eerr.. Well... _You know_..."

I looked at her for a moment; she was still smiling as she raced an eyebrow, something she did a lot, it gave her look smart -and she was.

"Just say whatever you've got to say"

I bit my lip and knew I was blushing. I heard her giggling as I looked away.

"Have you ever... You know... Done it...?"

"It's being six years, Dougie... I'm 21... What do _you_ think?"

"Well, honestly, I rather _not_ think about it"

She didn't laugh and once again she laid her head on my chest. If someone who didn't know she was my cousin came in, they would think something was happening between us, we'd always been rather close, I'd always being shy when I was around girls, but it was just so easy to hug her and show her how much I adored her.

"Yes, I have" she mumbled.

I definitely didn't want to know who had been the one that slept with my cousin or how many times she had had sex... That was a piece of information I rather not know. Ignorance was, in this case, a very dear friend of mine.

"Don't be such a baby, you have _so_ done it too, Doug" she mumbled "What do you think I am, a _fool_?"

"If _you_ were a fool, I would simply have no brain at _all_"

She sat next to me and smiled proudly "_True_." Then her face turned a bit more serious "I'm not proud of what I've done this past six years, but at least I've survived. You'll have to learn how to deal with it or just... I don't know, just stop talking to me, Dougie"

I sat next to her in a blink and hugged her close again.

"Don't be so _stupid_, I thought _you_ were the smart one here. I'll deal with it, I promise, but I'm not going to let you go... _Again_" I smiled at her with sweetness "We are both Poynters, we're strong, we'll deal with all this mess.. _Together_."

She nodded and smiled a little bit, but sadness was somehow stuck on her eyes.

"Will you promise me never to leave us again?" I almost said in a whispered.

"I, Abrianna Poynter, promise never to leave you, Dougie Poynter" she smiled a little bit at me, but her hidden sorrow couldn't fool me. Why was she _still _sad?


	4. Tea Bag

**I think all I'm going to do in these three months of holidays is writting, writting _and_ writting :D**

**Guys, check out my account in deviantart if you like photography! I've got the same name account as in here. Besides, that's one of the best websites ever!  
**

**Enjoy and review.  
**

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She was still wearing my sister's pyjamas as she sat in a little chair of the kitchen and started eating with a smile on her face. Mum had cooked five different meals for her, including also two different desserts. Abrianna seemed astonished and delightedt to be the one who was supposed to eat all that. I sat next to her with a fork in my hand, ready to taste my mum's delicious homemade spaghettis, but she gave me a killing look.

"If I were you, I'd think about it twice, Poynter." she said, half serious, half smiling.

"If I were you, I'd share that food unless you want to explode, _Poynter_" I said.

"I _do_ want to explode" she smiled "Alright, I'll let you take some of my food but only because I don't think my estomach will be use to suddenly eating so much in so little time"

I felt a bit worried about that. As far as I knew, she hadn't been eating properly lately... Well, '_lately_' as in 6 years.

"How often did you use to it?" I asked her, trying to sound natural and careless.

"I don't know... Once a day, maybe... Sometimes I just didn't have time to buy something to eat or cook, or I just didn't have enough money" she said as she kept on eating.

"Didn't you ever think about asking me for money?"

"No way, Dougie. I had to do this _alone_, I wasn't going to take anybody's money"

"So it was just about _pride_?"

"No, I knew I wasn't going to be able to pay you back and I wasn't going to ask for money I could repay you"

"Even if it meant dying of hunger?" I tried to hide the annoyance in my voice.

She looked at me for a moment "Yes"

I put the fork down and stared out the window, I was angry. Only minutes later, I felt her fingers slighly touching mines.

"A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water. Eleanor Roosevelt said that" she mumbled "I had to be strong, Dougie. Only then I was going to see how strong I could really be"

I didn't answer, I didn't know what to say. I knew she was strong, she'd _always_ been like that, but she was still so breakable and vulnerable in _my_ eyes, I'd grown up trying to protect her and suddenly she was alone in the world, I refused to imagine her on her own and the fact that she hadn't asked _me_, the one she should have trusted, for help hurt me deeply..

"Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools. Einstein said that. You are not a fool, are you, Dougie?" she said softly.

"Stop saying smart quotes, Anna" I mumbled. **[a/n: I love quotes!]**

"Then _talk_ to me. I can't bear to be near you knowing that you are mad at me, Dougie"

"What do you want me to say?"

I could feel her eyes on me, yet I didn't look up, all there was in her eyes was sorrow and I knew it would break me as soon as I saw them.

"Tell me what's on your mind" she pressed my hand in hers, so cold, though as soft as I remembered. Even after all those years, I still even remembered the way her hair used to smell.

"You compared yourself to a _tea bag_?" I mumbled, not really sure I wanted her to listen to me.

"Be serious, please..."

"I'm angry, if I talk, it will only make it worse"

She took a deep breath "Maybe coming back wasn't such a good idea after all" she whispered "You _obviously_ hold too much resentment"

She let go my hand but I quickly caught hers in mine again, now looking up.

"No, wait" I said "Where do you think you're going? You promised me you wouldn't leave again"

"What does it matter if you don't want me to stay?"

"Who said I don't want you to stay?"

"Your _eyes_, Dougie. Your face speaks for itself"

"Ok, you've _got_ to stop the smarty talking, alright?" I smiled at her a little bit "I'm sorry if I gave you that impression, but you're wrong... For the _first_ time in our lifes, I think"

She smiled back a little bit, then I slowly pulled her closer to me.

"You get mad at me very usually, Dougie. Maybe I shouldn't-"

"_Stop_" I interrumped her, though my voice was soft, caring "Just stop, alright? This is all weird and hard... _Complicated_... But it'll be alright. It'd be worse if you left, believe me"

She sat in my lap and I put my arms around her. Her whole body was cold... At least she felt better now, but I couldn't help worrying about her. I knew I should be thinking about my grandfather and I _was_, but, to be honest, she was keeping my mind busy lately, at least most of the time. I had all these questions I wanted to ask her, but I knew they would bring problems, new fights, and I didn't want to drive her away. I would have to speak my mind sooner or later, otherwise my curiosity would drive me insane, I couldn't hold back the questions much longer, but I guessed I could wait a little bit, maybe after she finished caressing my blond hair with her pale and long fingers. I'd always thought she had pretty hands. It's a rather silly thought, but I'd always noticed everything about her, even the little useless details nobody else would have remembered, not even her parents... Well, not that they cared much anyway... Even less now, but before, when we were kids, they didn't pay too much attention to her either, she wasn't what they had expected, what they had dreamed of, let's just say they lost their interest in her.

"What are you thinking?" she asked me in a whisper.

"You have pretty hands" I said and I heard her giggle. It was a marvelous sound, you know? Isn't it what we all want, seeing the one we love happy? At least it was what _I_ wanted.

"You _still_ think that?" she said, a bit surprised "I've always thought my fingers were _too_ long to be considered as pretty"

"No, they are perfect" I took her free hand in mine and kissed it once. Then I looked at her and giggled "You are perfect, the prettiest tea bagI've_ ever_ seen"

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**P.S.: Do you know an good website where I can download torrent for free? Specially TV shows. The one I used to use is now dead. RIP. Help?**


	5. Strong Bond

**Sorry for the delay, I _really _didn't have time to write, I'm studying for my last exam on Satuday, then I'll officially become a 16 years old piano teacher :D  
**

**Enjoy and review.**

**Thanks for all the reviews so far, so nice from you girls!  
**

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I looked at her up and down when she walked down the stairs wearing dark jeans I recognised and a blue jacket. She stopped in front of me and raced an eyebrow.

"What?" she said.

"Those jeans... Dind't you have those before leaving?" I said.

"Yes, I did... I can't believe you remember that but never managed to learn history"

"I only remember things that doesn't really matter"

"Oh, so I don't matter now?"

I blushed "No, I didn't mean that-"

She laughed "I'm kidding, Dougie."

I gave her a killing look, she had really made me feel bad about that "So, anyway, how can you still wear those? They are so old"

"Rather be dead than cool" she said as she walked outside and I followed her closely.

"Kurt Cobai, said that, right?" I smiled, happy that for once I was at her same level.

"Yes, he did" she smiled back at me.

"Anyway, I didn't say you didn't look cool, you look amazing to me" she looked down and put her hands on her pockets while I looked at her. Her weird badass look had always looked perfect on her, it was the way she was and the way I liked her "What I meant is that I can't understand how you can still fit on those"

"I haven't grown too much these years, Doug; no food, no growing"

I sighed... It had only been days since she'd come back and I still found it hard to picture her on her own, lonely, hungry... _Sad_. Anyway, as far as I could see, she had really grown. It's not something cousins are supposed to realise, but her body had grown a lot, if you know what I mean... I couldn't really describe it because it'd be_ weird_, I guess.

"How come you are here and not working?" she suddenly ask and I was glad that she distracted from thinking about her body, which I should be ashame of.

"I have a month of holidays... I was planning about going to the beach, but I'm staying here after all"

She looked at me for a moment, then crossed her arms over her chest "You're not staying because of _me_, are you?"

"And what if I am?" I imitated her and crossed my arms too.

"Then you're stupid. Go and have fun, Dougie"

"Well, excume me for wanting to spend time with you... If you don't want me here, I'll leave" I pretended to be hurt and, amazingly, it worked!

She rolled her eyes and did exactly what I wanted her to do; she let her arms fall and then put them around me. She softly kissed my cheek, her lips were cold. I tried my best not to smile.

"I didn't mean it like that" she mumbled then looked up at me. Incredibly, I was taller than her, I liked that, I'd always thought she would grow so much that would enp up being taller than me "You don't have to stay in this boring town because of me, I'm not going anywhere, I promise"

"It's not that-"

"Come on, Dougie"

"Ok, yes, but it's not _only_ that. I want to be hear with you, can't you believe that? Besides, both Jazz and mum are happy to have me back with them for a long time."

She smiled and put her hands on her pockets again. She was about to say something when her smile faded and she stopped walking. I followed whatever her eyes were watching and saw my aunt and uncle just some streets away, talking to other two people. My aunt was carrying a puppy on her arms and smiled as she caressed the little animal's head. They hadn't seen us and Anna quickly took my hand when they turned around and pushed me to an alley. I put my arms around her, knowing how she must had felt.

"Are you ok?" I mumbled. I couldn't see her face, she was hiding it in my neck.

"Oh, _sure_" she said with a hint of sarcasm with her face still in my neck, her lips moving over it when she talked "I'm perfectly _fine_! It's just _adorable_ to watch my own mother loving a damn puppy more than _me_!"

I held her even more tightly in my arms and caressed her hair with my hand. I couldn't think of anything to say.

"Sorry" I mumbled.

She moved her head from side to side "You don't have anothing to apologize for"

"Sorry for being dumb"

"I like you like that" her voice was trembling and I could feel something wet in my neck, she was crying.

"Don't cry, Anna... It's going to be alright"

"Even after all these years..." she mumbled "It still hurts, you know? The way they look at me..."

I sighed and softly pulled her away from me so I could look into her eyes. Tears were running down her pale cheeks and I felt a huge pain inside when I stared into those eyes that I adored, eyes filled with sadness right then.

"I won't let anyone look at you as long as you are with me" I said "I know you better than anyone else and I know they are wrong."

"_Are they_?" she said "Because everything I've done has been stupid, I'm not _good_, Dougie"

I pulled her closer and rested my forehead in hers.

"I don't believe that" I whispered.

"That's because you are dumb"

"No, not _this_ time... Believe _me_, Abrianna, don't believe _them_" I looked at her without removing my forehead from hers, we were so closed I could feel her breath on my face "I love you like this, I love the way you are, and I may not love the things you've done but that's part of love, isn't it? I don't understand it, but I accept it. They don't love you and that's why they look at you that way, but I do"

She put her hands around my neck. If a stranger saw us right then, the last thing they would think would be that we were cousins. We certainly had a strong bond, something unique.

"Whenever we sang I've Got You, I would always think of you" I whispered and gave her a small smile "Well, you have me now, so don't worry..."

We smiled at each other for a moment. Then she moved fowards and I froze, surprised. She giggled at my sudden tension. But she didn't do what I thought she was going to do; kiss me. Instead, she gently kissed the tip of my nose, then made herself comfortable in my chest.

"I love you too, Dougie"


	6. Woke Up Alone

**I'm going to be a bit busy these few days, as I told you I have an exam on Saturday and I'm rather busy studying a bit more. But don't worry, I'll try to update as soon as I can everyday, you know that!**

**Anyway, thanks a lot for reading, it means the world to me :) And the reviews too, it's so much fun to read your reviews, seriously :D**

**Thanks! Enjoy and review.**

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Little by little, I became more aware that I was waking up. The windows were still closed from last night so there was no light in my room, everything was dark. I took a big breath and then yawned. I'd slept really well and I felt good. I could smell Abrianna's perfume all around me and I smiled at little bit; I liked it...

My eyes blew open when I realized I didn't feel anybodby else by my side, she wasn't in bed with me. I sat in a blink and everything got blurry.

"Damn..." I mumbled as I put my head on my hands, it hurt, I'd sat too quickly.

Where was she? Why wasn't she here with me? She was going to sleep with me, in my room, as long as I stayed here in Corringham, then the room would be fully hers when I came back to my real house... So why hadn't I woken up with my cousin in my arms, just as I had the last few days? I felt anxious and afraid. I opened my eyes and it took them a while to get use to the darkness around me; I was alone in the room.

"Anna?" I said out loud, then I stood up "Abrianna!?"

I opened my bedroom's door and looked around; she was nowhere to be seen.

A hot and unpleasent feeling grew bigger in my chest and I ran downstairs. Mum was calmly cooking in the kitchen.

"Where is she?" I asked her quickly.

"Where's who?" she asked confused.

"Anna! Where's Abrianna!?"

"Outside, in the garden, why?"

I took a look outside through the window; she was sitting in the grass with a book on her hands, slightly smiling, the wind seemed to be playing with her hair that blew from left to right. She looked peacefull, calmed. She'd always found peace on books.

I ran outside, knelt down by her said and put my arms around her. She seemed surprised and looked at me confused, but smiled at me and caressed my hair.

"You scared the hell out of me, Anna" I said without letting her go.

"Sorry, I didn't know reading was scary" she said, still confused. I giggled.

"It's not that... I just... It's nothing" I smiled at her "Good morning"

"Good morning to you too, Mr 'Toy-Story boxers'" she laughed and I blushed as I realized I was wearing nothing but my old boxers. Hey, I'm not ashame of them, that movie is a classic! I was just embarrased because now half the neighbourhood was aware of my underwear "You had those before I left, didn't you?"

"I didn't know you paid attention to my underwear" I said.

"You are not the only one who pays attention to details, Dougie"

I sat behind her and put both my arms and legs around her so I would be all around her. For a moment, I'd thought I'd lost her again, I'd thought she was gone again, away from me, where I could not see her. I was still a bit afraid, still shocked, but my heartbeat was slowing down as I stared at her while she put a lock of her hair behind her ear. She looked so pretty that morning, her skin look even paler under the sunlight for some reason, but that only made her prettier. I smiled; she always brought out the best in me, the sweet side of me.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" she asked. I could see the reflection of the world on her big dark eyes.

"You look very pretty this morning" I said and she looked down at her book as she blushed. I giggled "What are you reading?"

"The Analyst" she simply said.

"I didn't know you like psychological thrillers"

"Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open."

"Will you ever stop it with the clever quotes that only you seem to know?"

She smiled "Nope"

"You seem happier this morning"

"Well, first I woke up next to the best cousin ever who wears the same boxers for over 6 years, then your mum made me eat about 6 muffins and finally I started reading a book about a psychopath that tries to make an analyst get suicide... All that kept my busy from thinking I'm officialy a loser"

"You could have just said 'yes', you know?"

"I don't like simple answers"

She kept reading for a while and I just stared at her while she caressed my hand, probably unconsciously. I didn't feel like leaving, I wanted to be there with her, even if my butt was freezing by then.

"Can I ask you something?" I said and she raced her head to look at me. She waited patiently until I spoke again "Don't do that, alright?"

"Do what?"

"If you wake up, wake me up too"

"I've told you a hundred times, Dougie; I'm _not_ leaving again"

"I know, but... I can't help it, Abrianna..." I looked down ashamed "I'm afraid of losing you, I wouldn't be able to go through that _twice_. Just wake me up, will you?"

"No way, you look too cute when you are sleeping" she smiled "I'll stay with you if you want, until you wake up, but you'll have to learn to trust me again. I'm not leaving you. Don't you believe me anymore, Dougie?"

She took my face in her hands and caressed my cheeks. Once again, if somebody saw us, they would probably think we were together... As a _couple_, I mean.

"I do... But the more you are around me, the better. It makes me happy"

She smiled "Then I'll always be with you, I'll always make you happy... That's exactly why I'm here"


	7. The Secret Of Her Eyes

**Here it is what you were waiting for :) Thanks for the support and also your patience.**

**I've erased the 'sorry' note, alright? I'm just letting you know so there won't be any confusion.  
**

**Now enjoy and review.**

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I was staring at her from my spot on the couch, with the remote control in my left hand while I pretended to watch the TV and a sleepy face. It nearly midnight and there was nothing good on the TV, so watching Abrianna's concentrated face was a lot more fun... Well, I don't know if I should call it _fun_, I'd say _interesting_ sound better. I don't expect you to understand how staring at someone can be _interesting_, but I could stare at her all day long... Everytime she opened her eyes a little bit more under the yellow light of the lamp behind her, I knew there was something interesting going on in that book she'd been reading for _hours_. She'd been insanely attached to that book. She only stopped reading when she needed to go to the bathroom, when my mum forced her to eat or when I asked her something.

Anna was sitting in another couch, already wearing her pyjama, and looking like a ghost in that weird light.

"Your eyes are going to pop out of your head it you keep staring at her like that" Jazzie giggled as she passed by with a glass of water "Good night"

"Good night, Jazz" Anna said.

I just gave my sister a killing look while I blushed, glad that it was dark in the room so they didn't really noticed.

"So, Poynter..." Anna said as she raced an eyebrow and put her book down.

"Yes, _Poynter_?" I said, smiling at her innocently.

"How long have you been staring at me?" she asked.

"Honestly? I have no idea. What time is it?"

"Around 1 a.m."

I let myself fall in the couch and closed my eyes as I took a deep breath.

"If you are tired, then go to sleep, dummy"

"I don't want to go to sleep"

"Don't you think I perfectly know you're lying?" I opened one eye and saw her smiling. She knelt down by my side and ran her figers through my hair. I smiled at her.

"_Maybe_"

She giggled "Go to sleep, I nearly finish my book"

"You still have to finish like half the book!"

"Well, I only need a few more hours"

"Why do you have to finish it _now_? There's no need in reading a book in just one day. Besides, that book's huge"

"Reading is sometimes an ingenious device for avoiding thoughts."

"What thoughts are you trying to avoid?"

She sighed "I was born with a reading list I will never finish. Reading has given me more satisfaction than really anything else, Dougie"

"Don't I satisfy you?" I was a bit annoyed she'd avoided my question, but I felt hurt and couldn't help asking her this first.

She grinned from ear to ear "That sounded a bit weird, cousin"

I rolled my eyes "I'm being serious. Abrianna, is there something you haven't told me?"

"Secrets are made to be found out with time. I can't talk to you about it now"

I felt pissed; why would she keep a secret from me? I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away from her.

"Don't get mad, please" she whispered "I promise I will tell you... Just give me some time"

"But you'll have to do something for me in exchange"

She raced an eyebrow "What about the hundred times I ran from my house and came here to help you study, huh? Did you ever give me something in exchange for that?"

I stuck my tongue out "Oh, that was tears ago!"

"You still own my a lot"

"So do you"

She stuck her tongue out too.

Then we simply stared at each other for a moment. There it was again that sad look in her face.

"Are you alright?" I asked her in a whisper while I caressed her cheek.

"Yes, why?" she said.

"You have that sad look stuck on her eyes, Anna... And you're not telling me what it is" I said.

"That's my secret, that's what I'm trying to avoid. Don't make it harder for me, Doug, _please_"

"Why don't you tell me about it? I thought we trusted each other"

"Oh, Dougie..." she took my face on her hands and kissed my forehead "_Of course_ I trust you, don't be silly. I'm just not ready to share my secret... Not yet"

"Is is _that_ bad?"

"It depends on how you look at it... Most people would think it is, I think... But I don't think it's bad"

"Oh, God, you didn't kill anybody, didn't you?"

She simply stared at me with an emotionless face, waiting, which meant I'd just said something stupid... Which wasn't weird, really.

"You could have simply said no!" I said and she smiled.

"It's funnier when you know I know you did something stupid" she grinned again, from ear to ear.

I rolled my eyes again. I was so tired, my eyes were begging me to go to bed.

"Can we go to bed now?" I mumbled as I closed my eyes again.

"You go, I'll finish my book"

"I won't go without you. Come on, you'll finish it tomorrow!"

I opened my eyes and gave her a puppy face. This time, _she_ rolled her eyes.

"_Fine_" she said and I tried not to smile, she was faking annoyance, she couldn't really get mad at me, I knew that and I knew she knew I knew. Confusing, isn't it? "But you won't interrump me tomorrow, will you?"

"Only if you let me sit by you as you read"

"Deal"

I stood up in a blink and took her in my arms as she laughed, surprised.

"I've grown baby, I've got muscles now!" I said as I went up the stairs with her still in my arms.

"Unbelievable!" she said and laughed at me.

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" I raced an eyebrow and laid her down on our bed.

"I'm kidding" she smiled "You look as handsome as you've always been"

"Thanks"

I laid down next to her after turning the lights off. Just seconds later she'd made herself comfortable in my arms, as every single night.

"Good night, Dougie" she mumbled.

"Good night, Anna"

I held her tightly in my arms and let my mind wonder why she was sad. I'd also never known she thought I was handsome, even less when we were teenagers, every single girl in the planet had rejected me, that only stopped because I joined McFLY.

I was so curious, I wanted _nothing_ but to know her secret. There'd never been secrets between the two of us before, I didn't know hot to handle the situation, though I knew there was nothing I could do about it; Abrianna had always been very stubborn, she wouldn't tell me until she knew she was ready and that wasn't going to change, no matter what I did.

What was so important or so terrible that she couldn't tell _me_?


	8. Crossed The Line

**Sorry for not being able to update every single day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My computer is kind of dying so I'm not using it anymore. I have to use my brother's computer when he's not home because we have a terrible relationship and we share nothing at all so if he sees me in his computer, he'd kill me. I try to write when I can, but I don't get to be in the computer too much. Can't wait to have my new computer, dammit!**

**Enjoy and review.**

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I tried not to panic again when I woke up alone. I took a deep breath and walked dowstairs as I tried to resist my urge to actually run all over he house while looking for Abrianna. Hadn't she promised not to leave bed without me? Didn't she realise what she was doing to my poor nerves?

Mum was sitting in the livingroom, peacefuly watching TV, which wasn't quite normal; she should have started cooking lunch by now.

"Hi, mum" I said, trying to hide my impatience and my nervousness.

"Hello, honey" she said and smiled but without taking his eyes off the screen; she was watching 'Love Actually' **[a/n: I love that movie, it's so cute]**, I was sure she'd seen that movie over 50 times by now.

"Any idea where Abrianna is?" I asked her.

"Oh, yes, I asked her to go to the greengrocer's, I needed some stuff for today's lunch"

A felt a huge wave of relief ran through my body and I felt my muscles relax. '_She's coming back..._' I thought calmly.

"Why do you ask, sweetie?" now she was looking at me.

"Oh, I just felt a big anxious when I didn't see her" I said.

"You're spending a lot of time with her... _All_ of your time actually. Aren't you going back to London in a couple of days?" she asked.

"Yeah, I don't know, I guess I can stay here a bit longer..."

"Because you like being home or because _Anna_'s here?"

"Both" I smiled innocently.

"Oh, honey, you'll have to leave sooner or later, you'll have to leave _without_ her. You can't be with her the whole time, Dougie"

"I know that, mum" I said and felt a bit uncomfortable. I'd tried to avoid thinking in the coming weeks; I would have to go back to London and my house, away from Corringham, away from my family, away from Anna and that terrified me. What if something happened to her? What if, for any reason, she left us again? I didn't want to lose her, not _again_ "I'll go out for a walk, ok?"

"You don't fool_ me_, Doug" she smiled "You're going to the greengrocer's to see Anna"

"_Maybe_"

I smiled again and after changing my clothes, I left home. It was obviously going to rain soon so I tried walking faster and, honestly, that wasn't the only reason why I was walking this quick, almost running; I wanted to see her right away. The greengrocery's was about seven streets away and I started to get a bit impatient when I had only walked two streets. They seemed longer than they looked like suddenly! Did God wake up, pointed a finger at me and said '_hey, I feel like bothering Doug today_'?

'_Oh, great..._' I thought upset when a heave drop of water felt right over my nose, it was raining.

Just minutes later, I was completely wet. My jeans felt a lot heavier and I closed my eyes just a little bit to see better through the heavy rain. My shoes did funny noises every time I took one more step forwards and I thought I was going to go mad because of that stupid sound.

But none of this upset me as much as when I saw Abrianna standing under the rain, with the groceries in a bag, talking to a guy I couldn't recognize under the rain. She was all wet, just like me. She was two streets away from the greengrocer's, she'd already bought what she needed and had obviously stopped to talk to that guy. It upset me, though the reason was unknown.

"Anna!" I put my arms around her. I would have given her my jacket, but it was useless, it was wet too.

"Oh, hi, Dougie" she said in a careless tone, as if heavy drops of water weren't falling all around and over us, as if we weren't wet, as if it wasn't cold here outside.

"What the hell are you doing? It's raining like hell, Anna! Let's go home"

"It's only rain, Doug" she said smiling, then looked back at the boy that was still standing in front of us, smiling "This is Dean, he was in our class, remember? He must be the only one who never tried to murder us, huh?"

They both laughed but I didn't even smile; yeah, of course I remember him, he was even weirder that _we_ were, that's the only reason why he didn't hate us... And, besides, I very well knew he'd liked my cousin since year 3 at school, when Abrianna stood up for him when some mean boys and girls said rude things to him, who was in the Chess Club, which meant social suicide even by then, when we were so young.

"Hi, Doug" he said friendly.

"Hello" I said in a tone rather rude. Abrianna noticed that and looked at me from the corner of her eye.

"What's up with you?" she whispered quickly.

"Nothing" I said. What was I supposed to say? I myself didn't know what was going on with _me_!

"Don't you guys want to go out for lunch?" Dean said smiling at both of us, but obviously looking at Anna with excitement; the girl of his dreams, who'd always been out of his league, maybe because she was too pretty for her or because she was far more intelligent, had come back to his life.

"No" I said with that same rude tone, then turned to Ann ""Please, let's go home"

She sighed "Ok" then she turned to Dean, who looked happier than a 5 years old kid on Christmas, and smiled at him with sweetness "Bye, Dean, I'll see you around."

I tried to take the bag from her hands and carry them myself to the house, but she wouldn't let me. She walked very quickly behind me without looking at me, clearly upset. I tried talking to her while we practicaly ran home, but she was faster than me and it was rather her to catch up with her. I should have run more when I was younger, damn it.

I close the door behind me when we both got home, completely wet, we were getting the whole floor wet. She put the bag with the groceries down on the floor and turned to me fiercely, fury shinning on her deep green eyes.

"What's the matter with you?" she said furiously "Why did you look at him like that? You behaved so rudely with him"

"And what do you care, he's your best-friend or what?" I said, still annoyed. Jazzie walked pass us and gave me a confuse look, but kept walking when Anna talked with that same fury.

"No, he's not, but there's no need to be rude to anybody, Dougie! Since when did you become such an asshole?"

"Since when did you become a slut that talks to any guy,_ live_s and _also_ sleeps with them, huh? Was it ever since you left me?"

I didn't try to stop her when she raised her fist to punch me in the face, two big tears running down her cheeks, then they got lost in her wet clothes

"You've just crossed a line, Poynter" she said and walked away from me.


	9. Taking You With Me

**I'm really starting to feel like crap about not being able to update every day as I was used to, this trouble with my computer is driving me mad and I can't help`feeling I'm failing you!... So to make up for the delay, I'm trying to make the story as exciting as I possibly can.  
**

**I've been reading Twilight in english -in my country they only sell the book in spanish but I managed to get one in English- and it's helping me with loads of doubts I had. Besides, I don't know why but it's a whole lot better in English!**

**Enjoy and review.**

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I was too proud to say I was sorry, because I _really_ was, though part of me had meant what I'd said and part of me kept telling me I'd been an asshole. But, in the other hand, I was _dying_ inside. My heart was begging me to kneel down in front of her and tell her a thousand times I was sorry, but I knew I wasn't going to do that. After all, this wasn't really my fault, was it?

A week later, I still couldn't understand why I had reacted like I did. Jealousy, maybe? I had no reason to be jealous though. Why would I feel like that? I had no power over her. I wanted the best for her and her safety, I wanted no man to hurt her, I wanted someone that truly deserved him and I knew that, after all, Dean was a good guy but, still, I couldn't help feeling like I wanted to punch him in the face and run away with Anna in my arms. No man would ever be good enough for her and I wouldn't change my mind about that. And, anyway, it bothered me to see her with anyone else too. I knew that was completely irrational and selfish, but I can't help the way I feel.

A week later, she still hadn't talked to me and I was sure I was going to explode in any minute, guilt and anxiety ran through my veins. She was still in my sister's room, in the floor, uncomfortable and still angry. This had to be the first time she hadn't spoken to me for so long -except for those 6 long years, obviously- and the first time she seemed to hate me... I couldn't be able to ever explain the sorrow that brought me. I needed to look into my eyes again, to sleep in my arms, to fill me with that love she always gave me, that almost tangible love. I desperately needed her to want me again.

"You're being stupid" Jazzie said upset "Just tell her you're sorry!"

"I can't" I mumbled without taking my eyes off the TV, trying my best to ignore her or at least keep my voice down so Abrianna, who was in the other room -reading, as usual-, wouldn't listen to us.

"Why not? I'm sick of this, Dougie. This feels like a war, not home... And it's your fault"

"My fault? It's not my fault she slept with strangers while she was gone"

"They weren't strangers to _her_. Besides, you can not get mad because of that, you'd be such a hypocrite."

"No, I wouldn't"

"Should I remind you about the tons of girl you slept with and then never ever called again?"

"That's only the result of spending so much time with Danny!"

I blushed and she rolled her eyes. I also had to avoid Jazzie because she would give me killing looks all the time. Home didn't feel like home anymore, just as she'd said...

So a week later, when Danny called me saying that he'd had to come back to London earlier from his vacations on Barbados, I decided to go back home for my family's sake; they would be a lot better off without me. I packed my things and hugged my mum for the last time.

"Don't you dare coming back after months, you heard me, Douglas? Visit us, will you?" she said.

"Alright, mum" I mumbled. Leaving wasn't really what I wanted it, I was about to panic and I was trying to avoid that. I didn't honestly want to leave Abrianna here.

Jazzie gave me a last killing look but finally rolled her eyes and ran to hug me tightly.

"You'd better take me to one of your shows soon!" she said. I half-smile.

"As soon as we've got one" I whispered into her ear.

Then mum and Jazz looked at me and Anna, who was staring at me from a corner, pale as a ghost, beautiful as a princess. She was something really special and I was losing her again just because of my stupid pride.

"Well, we'll give you guys a bit of privacy" mum said awkwarly and put her hand over my sister's shoulder "To the kitchen, Jazz"

Ann and I stared at each other for a while, she had her hands on her jean's pockets and still an angry look on her face, though her eyes were still sad, always _so _sad.

"Drive carefully" she mumbled.

"I will"

She nodded and looked down at her shoes.

Was that it? I'd imagined a more emotional goodbye. What's happened to the sweetness between us?

I grabbed my two bags and turned around a bit clumsyly, almost stumbling with my own feet. I opened the door. I still couldn almost feel her behind me. I sighed, closed my eyes and put my bags down for a moment. I turned around and looked at her. She didn't change her expression or posture, but she did look at me with a bit of curiosity.

"I'm sorry, alright?" I said very quickly "I said, it's out of my system, now it's up to _you_"

She raced an eyebrow "Do you _really_ think that saying sorry just before leaving will make up for calling me a _slut_? That's a coward attitude and you're mad if you think I'll forgive you that easily"

"Then what do I have to do to show you I _am_ sorry?"

"You could have said it that same day, you know? Not _a week _later!"

"Does it make any different?"

"It does to _me_!" her voice broke at the end and I felt something uncomfortable in my throat.

I sighed and when I spoke, my voice was sweeter "I'm sorry I called you a slut. I love you and I didn't mean what I say. I was upset, ok?"

"Oh, yeah? And what's going to happen the next time you get upset?"

"Nothing, I swear! Please, forgive me"

"It doesn't matter, you're leaving... And hell knows when you're coming back! Apparently you don't come around too much"

Well, she had a point.

"Then come with me" the words hurried out my mouth without permisson. Did I just say what I'd just heard? I did, didn't I?

"What?" she seemed as surprised as I was.

"Yeah..." I said trying not to sound stupid because of my own surprised "Come with me... To London."

"Are you on drugs?"

"No! It's a good idea" well, it was, wasn't it? She would be all the time with me and she would be able to see the way I lived.

"Are you serious?"

"Would you forgive me if I took you home with me, out do dinner every night and introduced you to my bandmates?" I said, smiling sweetly, the kind of smile she liked.

I knew she was trying not to look surprised anymore, or excited for that matter, but I knew her too well to know she liked this idea.

"I _might_" she said and I tried very hard to to giggle.

"Alright then" I said "I'm taking you to London"


	10. The Way She Looks At Me

**Well, I just can't help apologizing for the delay again.**

**Enjoy and review.**

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We'd arrived home about 8 hours ago. Abrianna seemed impressed with the size of my house as she stared at my livingroom with her eyes wide opened. I had to laugh. It was rather hard to impress her -in _any_ way, actually-, so I was glad I'd finally managed to do that, I didn't think I'd ever had... She now knew she could be proud of me, I'd earned this.

The biggest room in my house was probably the livingroom, with a tall ceiling, white walls, sofas and couches, a TV, table, and more stuff... Then my kitchen was rather big too, I had three bathrooms, the biggest one was upstairs, and two bedrooms; the biggest one was mine. I had two more rooms that had no particular utility, I just kept the washing machine there and stuff like my skateboards, a bycicle, etc, and on one last room I kept all my instruments; a piano, four basses, two guitar and drums. Anna almost had a heart attack when she saw all those instruments together. She giggled surprised and smiled at me. I couldn't help feeling awesome, I'd never impressed her this much and it felt unreasonably great.

We settled down properly, took our clothes off our bags -I convinced her to keep sleeping with me, even if there was an extra bed in the house, I'd got used to sleeping with her next to me- and bought food.

After a very awkward moment in which Abrianna almost dropped her towel in front of me after taking a shower, she'd fallen asleep -now with her clothes on- in one of my couches. I smiled at her peacefull face, all signs of sorrow were gone when she slept. She seemed like a whole different person from the one who had been only wearing a towel. I was ashamed to find myself thinking about her long, pretty legs, the most beautiful model ever would be jealous of her legs. And her sking seemed ever more perfect when it was wet, it seemed healthier. She had changed so drastically, she wasn't my lovely cousin anymore, she was a _woman_.

I carefully picked her up in my arms and walked upstairs. She slowly opened one eye and smiled a bit.

"So you like my house, Anna?" I said softly. She smiled a bit more.

"Perhaps" she said.

"Oh, come on, get it out of your system, just admit it"

"Your house rocks, is that what you want to hear"

I smiled "Perhaps"

I put her down on our bed and then laid next to her after taking my shoes and shirt off. I took a deep breath and rolled over to hug her.

"What an affectionate Dougie we have today, huh?" she mumbled.

"Oh, shut up, you spend half the day in my arms" I said and heard her giggle, but then she stopped. I look down at her, her eyes were closed and her face was expresionless "What?"

"How long are we going to keep doing this?"

"Doing _what_ exactly?"

"I don't know, _this_. I can't stay here forever. I can't stay with _you_ forever"

Well, the idea sounded rather tempting to me.

I sighed, annoyed at the idea, but not at her, and held her tightly. I didn't like the idea of letting her go, for so long I'd waited for this and I did not want to face the fact that it could be over in any minute.

"You can stay for as long as you like" I mumbled.

"Stubborn... You're so stubborn"

"Well, what do you want me to say?"

"I want you to be _realistic_"

"That's not fun"

"Life's not about having _fun_, Dougie"

"Life's what you make it" I looked at her and smiled "If I want to make it about fun, then it'll be fun. You are way too realistic, you've got to let yourself dream a bit more"

"Dreams are only dreams"

"Hey, I had a dream and now it's part of my life-style"

"Well, that won't happen to _me_"

"Oh, come on, you're being too negative. I'll introduce you to my friends; our... Well, let's say _stupidity_, is rather contagious. Luckyly you'll be less of the pessimistic you are soon"

She stuck out her tongue out, then rested her head on my shoulder.

"You know what's your problem?" I said, trying not to smile, teasing her "You read too many books"

"That's got to be the most stupid thing I've ever heard."

"I'm serious... You need to read Harry Potter"

"Harry Potter?" she raced an eyebrow "You've _got_ to be kidding me"

"I'm serious. You need more imagination, less drama" I sat in a blink and she jumped surprised. She looked at me confused while I kept smiling "I'll make you a new woman"

"Oh, Dougie, give up... After those six long years I spent of my own, I can assure you you won't be able to turn me into a optimistic person"

I softly put my hands on her cheeks and held looked at her tenderly, though a bit more seriously. It surprised me to see her blush as her green, lovely eyes stared back into my bule eyes.

"Forget about those six years and I promise you so I'll do that too. I also promise you I'll make you smile everyday, I won't let you down and I _will_ turn you into a happier person. Can you believe that?"

She slowly nodded but said nothing at all. She was still looking at me in a weird way, though not in a _bad_ way, don't get me wrong; she was just looking at me, her usually pale cheeks a bit red, a stunned look on her face. I tried not to smile as much as I'd liked to; for some reason, I liked that new way she was looking at me...


	11. Brighter

**Did you know Doug has a stepsister called Sam? Yeah, just like her mum.**

**I'm confused, how many of you are reading the story? Please if you are reading at least review _once_, just _one_ little review, you don't even have to write anything, just put 'hi' haha. I _really_ like to know who's reading it.**

**Anyway, thanks so much for all the reviews so far!**

**Jessie: I love Supernatural, I've been following it for a long time now. Anyway, I don't remember using Sam's name... I mean, Dougie's mum_ is_ called Sam, but she's a woman so...**

**Enjoy and review.**

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"So tell me something about them" Abrianna asked with a hint of interest. I smiled at that, feeling proud of myself.

She looked all around her as we walked, sometimes staring too much at some old building with amazement, she'd always liked architecture. She seemed to love every single place I took her and I just couldn't be more pleased. People stared at her when we walked pass them, everyone was dressing so nicely but my cousin's jeans were years and years old, and so was her dark jacket. To me, she looked just great, her clothes may be old but they fitted her body perfectly... And I really shouldn't be thinking about that.

"They are my bestfriends... I spend almost the whole year around them" I said.

"Don't you get tired of them?"

"Don't you get tired of_ me_?"

"No" her answer was simply and quick, I smiled a bit more.

"Well, I simply don't get tired of them either" I said.

She nodded and said nothing more, just stared at the world around her again.

"What are you thinking?" I asked curiously.

"I'm wondering if you'll ever get tired of me" she said in a rather low voice.

"That's stupid" I said "_Of course_ not"

"Yeah, I know..." she sighed.

"I'm sorry, did I disappoint you?" I raced an eyebrow, but didn't stop smiling, though I did felt a bit confused at her sudden frustration.

"You shouldn't get use to be around me" she explained as she avoided my eyes "It'll be harder for you when I leave"

"_Leave_?" I didn't even try to hide my pain, I would have probably failed anyway "When? Where?"

"I don't know... Are you expecting my to move to your bed for the rest of my life?" she laughed without humour.

I gasped "Let's not talk about that"

"We will have to _some_ day, Dougie"

"Then let's talk about your secret... We have to talk about _that_ too some day"

"_Touche_" she smiled, again without humour, but added nothing else.

I took her hand and pulled her closer to me. I wasn't going to get upset or sad today, I wouldn't let anything ruin my time with her. I had to admit I'd spent time thinking about this -or at least trying to avoid thinking about it- and I didn't like what the future seemed to hold for us... I could see her leaving sooner or later, it was unavoidable. I was going to keep her safe next to me for as long as I could, including this right moment. I had -I _needed_- to hold on to this very moment because it could be gone in a blink, _she_ could be gone in blink... _Again_. I'd survive, I knew that, but surviving wasn't enough; now that I'd tasted the cake, I wanted more, if you know what I mean...

I'd always liked London, but for some reason Abrianna made it look even better... It was as if she shone brighter than anyone else in the world, making everything around her more perfect, more enjoyable. She made everything better.

She laughed when a girl stopped us and asked me to take a picture with her, ignoring Ann completely. I said yes with a smile, recognizing that creepy look she's given me, and smiled again for the camera.

"Do you get that a lot?" Ann asked me.

"Quite much, yes... We've become more popular through the years" I asnwered. I was, once again, proud to see _her_ proud of me.

"Your huge house is the prouf" she smiled. She looked a bit nervous as we approached to the recording studio.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm just a bit nervous"

I giggled "Why's that?"

"I want your friends to like me, Dougie," she explain "I know it's important to you so it's twice more important to _me_.. And... Well, you know people usually doesn't like me"

"They are not _people_, they're my friends"

She raced an eyebrow "Oh, so your friends are what, _ghosts_?"

"No, they _are_ people but they arent people" I smiled at how stupid I sounded and she just rolled her eyes. I took her hand "Don't worry, they'll love you as much as I do"

"Should I not mention or do something in particular?"

"Well... Don't mention either Star Wars or Harry Potter unless you want to talk about it all day long and maybe tomorrow too, and never _ever_ sit next to Danny if he's eating bananas"

"Why not?" she asked confused.

"He farts"

She rolled her eyes and mumbled something I didn't understand, though I could guess it was something like 'gross', and I simply smile, as I always did when I was around her.

I could tell she was nervous when we came in and walked toward the elevator. I pressed the button witht he little '5' on it and she grabbed my arm as soon as the doors closed.

"What?" I asked as I looked down at her, she seemed scared "They _will_ like you, I swear"

"It's not that..." she mumbled without letting my arm go. She was holding on to it rather tightly, but I didn't mind "I _hate_ elevators"

I gasped again; why didn't I know? Was I supposed to know that? In a second I tried to remember if I'd ever been on an elevator with her or if in our whole lifes she'd ever mentiones being afraid of elevators, but I couldn't remember anything.

"I didn't know that" I said, disappointed at myself.

"Three years ago I was involved in an accident, the elevator fell" she mumbled.

"_WHAT_!?"

"Nothing serious, we were on the second floor, but still..."

She practically ran out the elevator when the doors weren't even fully opened and I tried not to laugh; cruel, I know, but it _was_ funny.

"Thank God, it's over..." she mumbled, not realizing everybody was staring at her, including my friends... Including Danny, who suddenly seemed rather interesting.


	12. If You Don't Mind

**Merry Christmas tomorrow everyone... Well, I actually _don't_ celebrate Christmas and I think it's stupid that people that don't believe in Jesus and all that stuff celebrate it, but whatever, it's up to you after all, isn't it?....**

**ANYWAY, to those who _do_ believe in Christmas, here's s gift; two chapters today! My Christmas present will be reviews from you, am I right? haha  
**

**Enjoy and review.**

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"Hello" Danny said smiling. Oh, _damn_, I knew that look on his eyes, I'd seen it thousand of times before and I certainly didn't think it was funny _this_ time, not when he was looking at my cousin. Well, not _just_ my _cousin_, but Abrianna... It's a different that _needed_ to be told. He held out her hand to her and she looked at him confused for a moment, then looked at me as if trying to get help.

"Oh, he's Danny" I said quickly "Danny, this is Abrianna... My cousin"

I'd thought he would back down when I said she was my cousin, men usually don't mess with their friends' relatives, it's like a rule between us, but Danny seemed to want to break some rules today and didn't stop smiling at her with that same look on her eyes. I'd seen this one coming even before we'd arrived.

"Hi" Abrianna said a bit shily, but smiling too, and shook his hand.

"A pleasure to meet you" Danny said.

I looked at Harry, who was in a chair just meters away from us, watching in silence, and silently begged him to help me. He, who was my closest friend if I had to be completely honest, understood perfectly what I wanted and walked towards Anna.

"Hi, I'm Harry. Nice to meet you, Abrianna." he said and stood in front of Danny, blocking his eye-contact with Ann.

"You can call me Anna" she said. She's never really liked having people calling her for her full name, expect for my family and I. For some reason, I liked to be part of the expection.

Tom finally made his way towards her, smiling a bit awkwardly, and waved at her.

"He's Tom" I said quickly, before Danny had the change to say something funny and make her laugh, which would make me even more nervous.

"We've got a shy one, don't we?" Ann said friendly.

"Not really" Tom said "Dougie's told us about you these last few days. He started talking about you as soon as he came back from his holidays in Corringham"

Thanks a lot, Tom, thanks for this completely unncessary awkward moment.

"Oh, is that so?" Anna said in a very clever tone as she looked at me for a moment with curiosity, and then back at Tom "And what did he say about me?"

"Nothing interesting" I said quickly, a bit surprised at my own sudden embarrasment "Shall we start with the first demo?"

"I've thought about it all night long, so yes, please" Harry said.

Once again, before Danny could say a word to Abrianna, I called him for a moment.

"Dude, you didn't say your cousin was_ this_ hot" he said in a whispered, his eyes wild with excitement.

"Sorry for not mentioning that my cousin is smocking hot" I said ironcly.

"You're forgiven" he smiled and I sighed.

"Could I ask you one little favor?"

"Oh, you've got _that_ tone... I won't like it, will I?"

"I don't think so..."

"Bring it"

"Please, just pleeeease, don't flirt with my cousin"

"I _really_ don't like that favor, dude" he said with frustration "Why do I have to suppress my instincts and needs? She's way to gorgeous for that"

"Please, Danny. She's just come back to my life and I'm still trying to deal with it." Why did I myself think that there was some information missing? Secret jealousy, maybe? I just didn't want to have to picture Danny all over Ann... And I certainly didn't want to see that in front of me in a near future.

He sighed. "Are you asking me as a friends' thing about all that 'forbidden-to-date-friends'-relatives' crap?" I nodded "Oh, Dougie, not _that_!" he sighed.

"Just promise me you'll behave"

He rolled his eyes. Danny loved women, nobody liked them more than he did, but I knew that, deep down in his heart, in a _very_** extremely** deep place, he cared more about his friends. If he promised me this, he was going to keep his word.

"I promise... But you owe me... Big time, Poynter!"

I laughed with relief and Danny kept pretending to be hurt. He went to his seat and grabbed his favorite guitar. Anna looked at me with shyness, I'd seen her like this very few times in my life, she was always so sure of herself, so fierce, and now she looked like a little girl all over again... She was so sweet. I put an arm around her and led her to a chair next to mine.

"So this is your work, huh?" she said quick enough so only I could hear.

"Yes, I send a lot of time here"

"Then I guess so will I.. If you don't mind, I mean..." she blushed.

I looked at her confused as I picked up my bass "What do you mean?"

"Well, I want to go where you go. I'm here only for _you_, remember? I want to be with you as long as I can... And if you and your friends don't mind, I would like to come here with you" she blushed again and I couldn't help smiling, maybe because she looked incredibly cute every sinlge time she bluhsed -that was something that didn't happen usually, so I tried to remember every detail on her face in that same moment- or because I felt happy that she seemed to feet the same way I did, I couldn't tell exactly...

"Of course we don't mind" I said "I'm happy you want to come... Aren't you going to get a bit bored? We usually _seriously_ spend the _whole_ day here"

"I don't mind... I just want to be with you"


	13. The Only Exception

**Thanks a lot for the reviews :) Specially to Jessie and McSteph.  
**

** Enjoy and review.**

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I was extremely glad to see that, even if Abrianna was silent most the time, interest and fascination filled her eyes. She would tell us when something didn't sound good from time to time, though she was rather shy at the beginning, afraid to make one of my mates angry. I couldn't help smiling the whole time, I adored the way she made me feel and how easy it was to feel that way, how easy it was for me to be happy around her.

She would blush when she saw me looking at her, an image I tried to process and keep in my brain, I never wanted to forget the way she looked when she blushed. But, if I had to be honest, the reason to _why_ she blushed confused me; why would she blushed if I was only staring at her? I wondered for a moment if it bothered her, but she didn't look annoyed.

We ate lunch in the studio, as we usually did. She didn't seem to mind that we spent the whole day there. Danny kept his word and behaved normally around her, but of course he was funny and charming as usual, that was the usual him, so even if he didn't try, my cousin would probably fall for him, as loads of girls did... But, like she'd said, she didn't look interesting in him. She did talk to him and smile when he said something funny, but things didn't seem to go beyond that. I was glad!

She seemed to get on well with my friends and I saw how happy it made her to feel that she fitted in with these people, I knew that feeling, it'd happened to me too when I joined the band years ago. She felt comfortable, I could see it.

"Do you play, Anna?" Harry asked her. I looked up at her; she was staring at me. She quickly looked at Harry.

"Well, I learned a little bit..." she said.

"Really?" I said surprised.

"Yes" she said, blushing again as she stared at me again "I thought I could show you once I came back, but I forgot about that"

"Play something for us" Danny said eagerly.

She hesitated, her cheeks growing redder and redder. Danny gave her an acoustic guitar and she sighed as she took it, unwillingly.

"Do I really have to do this?" she mumbled, ashamed, probably for the first time on her life. It was weird to see her like this, she's always been so secure of herself, or at least that was the way she pretended to look... But I liked her like this too.

"You were planning to do it anyway" I said.

"I guess you're right" she mumbled "Well, this song is called The Only Exception" she said without looking at any of us, her eyes fixed on the floor. **[a/n: brilliant song, very sweet, it's from Paramore, check it out if you don't know it, even if you don't like the band]**

We all waited patiently, she looked at me once more, silently begging me not to make her do this, but I smiled at her encouragingly and she looked away again.

The melody was soft, the rhythm wasn't fast, it sounded sweet. I paid attention to all the words she sang, I'd never realized her voice was so lovely, she could really sing. She looked up at me, to see my expression, from time to time, and she never stopped blushing when our eyes met. There was something in her eyes, some king of honesty when she looked at me, she meant what she sang, even it she hadn't written this song... Some prhases caught my attention more than others, those in which she seem to be about to get lost in thoughts. For example, when she looked away from me and sang '_and we've got to find other ways to make it alone_'. She knew all about loneliness... Then when she sang '_I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness because none of it was ever worth the risk_' she looked at me for a moment, then looked away quickly, that same sorrow I'd seen before in her eyes. She seemed sad, king of frustrated, when she sang '_I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't let go of what's in front of me here_'. Then finally, when the song was almost ending, she raised her head and looked at me, a bit more sure of herself, and smiled as she repeated the chorus; '_You are the only exception_'. By that time, I was lost in thoughts, hypnotized by her sweetness. I'd never noticed how beautiful she was, not like _this_.

But the claps of my friends threw me back into reality, and I smiled at her.

"You're good" I said, smiling, a weird feeling inside my chest, a warm feeling.

"Not as you as you guys are" she said, blushing again.

After walking back home, Ann went straight to our bed, she seemed tired. I followed her, of course. She waited for me to lay down first, then gently laid her head in my chest. She was smiling at me, this time I think I blushed, though I didn't know why exactly.

"You look cute when you blush" she said, giggling a little bit. Another warm feeling ran down my chest at the sound of her laugh.

"So do you" I said.

We stayed in silence for a while, I stared at her calm face for a long time. I felt my body warm, impatience running through my veins. Something felt wrong, yet I was feeling so good.

"What?" she said as she blushed when she saw me staring.

"You look beautiful" I said without thinking, then blushed when I realized what I'd just said. That was happening a lot today, the blushing thing.

"Thanks" she said "You _are_ beautiful"

I smiled; I didn't know she thought that about me.

She suddenly raised her head from my chest and hesitated as she looked straight into my eyes.

"Do you want to know my secret?" she said. She didn't seem sure of what she was doing and I suddenly wasn't sure if I wanted to know. Anna looked as if she was about to drop the subjet and run out the room and.

"I do" I said.

She bit her lip "I love you"

"I love you too" I said without thinking, naturally.

"No, I _love_ you, Dougie... That's why I took the drugs... I was desperate, sad, I knew that you would never feel this way about me, I was hopeless, and I'm still am" she was talking quickly so I wouldn't interrup her, my heartbeat sped up with every word she spoke "And I'll leave right now if that's what you want, but this needed to be said. I've never believed in love, but you are the only exception, you're my perfect love song. I love you and I always will, even if you hate me for-"

I jumped over her without thinking, before she could say anything else, pressing my lips tightly against hers. She didn't expect it at all, but soon put her arms around my neck and kissed me back. It felt so good, so right, but at the same moment, it was completely wrong in every possible way...

... But, for a moment, I didn't care. For a moment, I forgot about what was wrong and what was right and gave myself in to what felt good, to her.

For a moment, I forgot I was engaged, I forgot I was getting married soon.


	14. One Tiny, Little Problem

**Long chapter for you today, girls. I will _really_ appreciate the reviews more than before [you'll understand at the end of the chapter, there's a little note for you]**

**Enjoy and review.**

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**Luckyly, that morning, when I woke up, Ann was still sleeping. I turned my head -so fast that I got a bit dizzy- to watched the clock: 7.56 am. I had to be in the studio at 10 am... It was too early to go, even if I walked, but I couldn't stay in bed, I couldn't stay at home either. I was nervous, impatient. I felt rather sick, but maybe it was just guilt that was starting to kick in. Anna looked so beautiful, so peaceful, more than usual, and I couldn't help wondering if it was because of what we'd done last night... Everything had happened so fast, I let my impulses and desires had completely governed my mind and my body. It was like The Killer's song, you know? '_It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?__ It was only a kiss_'. When did the kiss become so passionate that it made desire ran down our lips to our whole bodies? I couldn't remember, maybe it all was there from the beginning, maybe it'd _always_ been there, hidden, maybe that was the warm feeling I'd felt.

I stood up slowly, trying not to wake her up. I could have sworn she was smiling as she slept, naked under the sheets of my bed. I had no idea what she'd said or do, and I didn't want to find out either because I didn't know what _I_ would do. I wasn't angry at her or had any bad feeling against her. It was me I was angry with. How could I have been so weak? I'd cheated! Oh, God, it sounded even worst when I thought about the word! Alissa, my so dearly loved fiancee **[a/n: I was tired of using Frankie, so let's move on to another character]**, had been my partner for so long, she'd always been so good to me, she was an angel. I'd never felt the need to be with anybody else, she made me happy, _truly_ happy, never caused me any trouble. So why did I do this? Was it true what I was feeling? Could I really be in love with my _cousin_?

I took my head in my hand '_My cousin!_' I thought, in shock. It was as if before, last night I mean, I'd completely forgotten she was my cousin, I'd forgotten about _everything _'_I made love to my cousin!_' And the worst thing was that I didn't regret it, I'd liked it, I would never be able to say I hadn't enjoyed it, she was amazing and the intimacy between us had made everything more passionate, stronger, deeper. There was love there.

After putting my clothes on -I didn't even have a shower, I was in a hurry, afraid that Anna would wake up-, I wrote a note for her and left it over the sofa. For the first time in my life, or at least as long as I remembered, I lied to her as I wrote the note: '_Ann: I had to go to some interviews today and I'll be away the whole day, I'm sorry but they didn't let me take you. Call for pizza or whatever you want, I left some money over the table. I'll be back for dinner, Dougie_'. Lying felt horrible, so I felt before I could regret it and destroy the lies in the little note. I hopes she wouldn't realize I was lying.

Have you ever been in a situation like this before? Didn't you feel that, as people stared at you, they somehow knew what you've done? I felt like that. Everytime someone looked at me in the street, I was sure they knew I'd cheated on my girlfriend, as if they could see it in my arms.

I waited for more than an our outside the studio, begging that Anna wouldn't happen to appear out of the blue. I was as nervous and worried as the criminal who's waiting for his sentence. I, again, felt sick. Time seem longer than usual. I thought my brain was going to explode in any moment as flashes of last night ran through my head uncontrollably, nice memories, if I had to admit it... But then I remembered Alissa, my sweet girlfriend, and those memories turned into painful guilt.

Tom's car finally parked just meters away from the studio, Danny's sleepy face against the window and Harry calmly looking out the window. His car had broke down and Tom had offered him to give him a ride to the studio every day, and Danny was just too lazy to drive his own car so early in the morning. Tom raced an eyebrow as they walked toward me, I quickly tried to compose myself and look normal.

"You arrived early" he said, suspiciously. Obviously _this_ wasn't usual, I should have known better, I should have waited somewhere else "Is everything alright?"

"Everything's perfect" I said, smiling, maybe too much "What a gorgeous day, isn't it?"

"Dude, are you drunk?" Danny said, giggling "It's nearly raining... _Again_"

"Are you sure you are alright?" Tom insisted. Dammit, Tom, why did he always have to be so perceptive?

"I am fine" I mumbled. We walked towards the elevator and Harry suddenly looked at me.

"Where's Anna?" he asked, and I knew my face fell, I tried to compose it quickly "I thought you were bringing her everyday"

"Yeah, where's she?" Danny asked, suddenly interesting. Now I knew why I was jealous.

I gave him a killing look. "Home, sleeping"

"You're leaving her alone the whole day?" Tom asked as we walked out the elevator.

"Yes" I simply said, not trusting my voice.

"Dougie, are you _completely_ sure everything's fine?" Tom asked.

"I said I was fine, dammit!" I shouted uncontrollably. Ok, that probably wasn't the best way to pretend I was fine, don't you think? I sat on the nearest chair and sighed. I knew then that I was losing the control of the expression in my face.

"Oh, God, I know that face!" Danny said, suddenly pointing me, eyes wide opened. I looked at him in horror "You slept with someone else?"

"What the hell, Danny? How could you know that!?" I said. My three friends opened their eyes so much that I thought they were going to pop out "I mean, NO, _of course_ not!"

"Hey, you're talking with an expert in cheating" he said proudly "I know that face, dude. For the first time in my life, you can't fool _me_"

"What the hell, Dougie?" Harry said "You cheated in Alissa? I mean, _Alissa_!? You're getting married soon! What are you going to do? Why did you do that? Are you going to tell her? Who did you kiss? Or was it more than just kisses?"

"Shut up, Harry" I said, annoyed, my heart beating fast "I don't know!"

"Dougie..." Tom said, more calmly, probably the most serene of the three of us "What did you do exactly?"

I bit my lip and ran my fingers through my hair nervously "Sex"

Danny seemed someone proud; when it came to sex, he would always like it, Harry was horrified, he adored Alissa, and Tom kept looking calm, which was starting to make me even more nervous. How could he be so calm while my hands were shacking?

"Who did you sleep with?" he asked.

"I can't tell you" I said inmediately.

"Oh, come on! You can't keep something like that to yourself!" Danny said, frustrated "Besides, if you don't want to tell us, it's probably because it's someone we know"

Why, OH WHY, did he have to be clever _today_!? What had I possibly made to deserve this?

"Just split it out, Dougie, you'll feel better" Harry said.

"I can't, I seriously can't" I said.

"We're your friends, you can trust us" Tom said.

I hesitated, then said it before I regretted it "Abrianna"

"_WHAT!?_" the three of them said, Tom's calmness faded so quickly.

"You had sex with your _cousin_?" he said horrified.

"I know, I know, I know!" I said as I closed my eyes and put my hands over my face.

"Well, it's no that bad" Danny said "It wasn't too long ago when relatives used to get married, right?"

They all looked at each oher and I opened just one eye. Then all their eyes laid on me.

"What should I do?" I said quietly.

"You tell your cousin to get the hell out of your house, calm your fiancee and ask her for mercy" Tom said without hesitation.

"What?" Danny said, looking at him with his eyebrow raised "That's the crappiest advice _ever_, Tom" he moved his head from side to side in disapproval, then looked back at me "Here's what you are going to do; nothing at all"

"Explain" I said.

"You don't tell anybody else, specially not your fiancee, and you go back to living your normal life. Just tell your cousin it was a one time thing and let it go."

"I like that" I said and Tom rolled his eyes.

"He's probably right, Tom" Harry mumbled.

"There's just one tiny, little problem" I said. They all looked at me again "I think I'm in love with her"

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**WARNING: I'm leaving tomorrow, I'm going on holidays to the beach [I'm being _force_ to go, actually, because I don't want to!] and I'm not coming back until January 18th. But, relax, I'll try to update as soon as I can while I'm there, I swear.**


	15. Not A Lie, But A Secret

**So, here I am, in my own personal hell. Nice. It's stupid to go on holidays to the beach if you can't go outside because it rains the whole day, don't you think?. Who the hell would want to waste their money like that? Oh, right, that's my mum –spending my _dad_'s money, of course.**

**Moving on… Here's what I promised; more chapters.**

**Enjoy and review.**

**P.S.: the chapter turned out to be longer than I thought, so you'd better bé good girls and review [and I bet you didn't except me to be back _so_ soon, did you?]**

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We decided not to talk about my confessions anymore, or at least not while we were supposed to be working; everything was too complicated, too embarrassing and too stressful. I just let go –_or tried to_- and paid attention to fingers as I played my yellow bass. The songs were sounding good, soon we would have another album ready and, hopefully, it would be a success again. I just couldn't keep my feelings and thoughts away for a long time; when we stopped playing, everything came back to me, I had no rest.

Tom offered me a ride home; my emotional stress had made me physically tired, I didn't feel like walking home. It wasn't nearly 20 minutes until he had parked in front of my house. I looked at the door of my house and hesitated; a part of me had an urge to suddenly run away. That wasn't the scary part, though; the one that _strongly_ wish I was _already _inside was the one part of my brain that was freaking me out, I knew why I wanted to be inside, I knew I wanted to be with _her_, with Anna… And I knew it was wrong.

"So you're going to follow Dan's advice?" Tom said, realizing I wasn't moving.

"I guess" I mumbled and immediately felt even more nervous. I was surprised that was possible! I had to break up with my cousin, or whatever we should call that. We weren't_ something_ so technically I wasn't breaking up with her,_ right_? Like I said; too complicated.

"Your voice doesn't sound too convincing" Harry said. I turned to face him; Danny and him were sitting in the backseats, calmly waiting for me to get out of the car. We'd all already passed the nervousness that my confessions had brought –well, except for me, _of course_- and now my friends were more calmed.

"I'm _not_ convinced" I said.

"But you _have_ to do it, Doug" Tom said "You can't do it again"

"I don't know how to break up with her, I don't want to hurt her"

"Don't break up with her!" Danny said "Be a man and just stop calling her!"

"She's _living_ with him, Danny!" Tom reminded him. I would have laughed if it wasn't me who was in love with his cousin.

"Oh, right…" Danny mumbled "Then just go inside and act normally, as if nothing had happened. Try to look distant, like you don't care about last night. That will perfectly make her understand that it was a one-time thing."

I sighed and turned around to look forwards. That sounded like a rather good idea, which was weird coming from Danny, but I truly didn't know how to be distant with her. Besides, she'd said she loved me; this would hurt her. I had given her fake hopes last nights and now I had to let her down.

"Hey, Doug…" Harry said and I turned around again "Did you tell her your were engaged?"

I waited, trying to compose my face; I certainly didn't remember telling her about that_ little_ detail.

Tom rolled his eyes, my silence gave me away "How could you not tell her!?" he said "That's _exactly_ the kind of stuff you tell someone you haven't see of a long time!"

"The subject just never came up!" I said "It's not like it was a secret or something, I just… Forgot"

"You _forgot _you were getting married?" Danny raced an eyebrow "Dude, that's bad. And, hey, _I_ am the one who's saying that, so it _has_ to be _really_ bad!"

"He's right, dude" Harry said "How could you forget about that?"

"I hadn't seen my cousin for years, I forgot about everything"

"You have to tell her" Tom said "You know that, don't you?"

"Can't we skip that one little detail?" I said.

"No!" Tom said.

"If you tell her you're getting married, then everything will be easier" Danny said "She'll understand you're taken and then she'll leave you alone"

"Did you even tell her you have a girlfriend?" Harry asked. Why did he always have to ask the _exact _same question I did _not_ want to answer?

"I may have skipped that little detail too" I mumbled, not looking at any of them.

"Oh, Dougie!" he said.

"I know, I know!" I sighed.

"Don't you even have photographs of her in your house?" Danny asked.

"No, she's got them all, she said she wanted to put them all in the new house we bought together" I explained.

"You're moving?" Harry asked.

"After the wedding, yes"

We all looked at each other for a moment, in silence, then Tom spoke.

"You're going to go there and tell her you're getting married" he said "Now get out, I'm going to be late to watch Star Wars IV on TV"

I said goodbye to my friends and watched Tom's car leave. I took a deep breath and slowly opened my house's door, as if I was scared that a monster would jump from behind the door and scared the hell out of me. I heard the TV in the living-room and I felt another urge to get out of there and run away… But I didn't. Instead, I tried not to feel sick again as I walked toward the living-room. I stared at the empty living-room and then looked around to see Abrianna standing against the kitchen's door, calmly staring at me. Now I looked at her in a whole different way; the same sweetness between us was still there, of course, but, at the same time, there was a new passion and desire, I wanted her in every possible way, and I wanted her right then right there.

I was glad she talked first because I didn't trust my voice in that moment.

"You didn't have an interview today, did you?" she said. She didn't sound upset. The best thing I could do was to come clean about that while I had the chance.

"No, I didn't" I said. I sounded rather calm too, to my surprised.

"It's alright" she said "I understand that you may have… Well, let's say freaked out, shall we?" she smiled warmly.

"Freaked out sounds about right" I said and laughed nervously.

"I had years to think about all these things that I felt for you… You didn't, I understand your confusion, it happened to me too."

How could I not love her, if she was perfect? Perfect for me, in every single way? She understood, like nobody else did.

"Thank you for understanding. I didn't like having to lie to you"

"Then don't" she said. She hesitated, then stared moving his hands nervously, something she never did. Suddenly she didn't seem to calm "I will understand too if you tell me that you regret what happened last night… But please say it _now_ if you do"

"I don't" Damn it, Dougie! You should have said yes! Come on, say it, now's the time, say it, say it! "I don't regret it at all"

**Damn it**! Why is it so hard to say '_yes_'? I knew it would be a lie, but I'd lied before, I should be able to do it one more time! I should be able to tell her right then what I hadnt been capable of telling her before… But I didn't.

"I know I said I loved you," she said "and I want you to know that I meant it. I know it's weird, we're cousins, but… I don't really gave a damn about that. It's only a matter of blood. If it wasn't only because of that, there would be nothing weird about this, don't you think?"

Sure… Except because I was going to get married really_ really_ soon, because my fiancée was coming back from her holidays very _very_ soon and because I truly could not say anything about this... Oh, was I forgetting the fact that I was in love with _two_ women?

She walked closer to me, her eyes hypnotizing me, her lips silently calling me, her body inviting me to be a part of it again in such an irresistible way, everything about her was suddenly _so_ desirable… It was happening again and I was doing nothing to stop it.

"I am just a girl" she said a bit more quietly and shyly, looking so sweet as she, once again, confessed all the love she had for me and had been forced to keep in secret for so long "who is in love with a boy. Why does that have to be complicated or weird?"

Anna was standing so close to me, looking straight into m eyes.

"It shouldn't" I said, I was losing control of myself again "I am too a boy who is simply in love with a girl"

Well, with _two_ girls I should have said.

She smiled, her eyes again full of happiness and hope, no trail of her old sorrow.

"You are?" she said in disbelief "You're in love with me? Are you sure?"

I caressed her cheek softly and smiled, hopelessly lost in her eyes, our love suddenly seemed so simple and undeniable.

"I am sure" I said softly.

I softly and very slowly leaned down to kiss her. Her lips seemed to burn mine, the sweet glory of love overpowered my mind. Once again our kiss seemed so wrong and so right. I knew then that I wouldn't be able to tell her I was engaged. I couldn't hurt her and, if I had to be honest, I couldn't hurt myself thinking that, if I told the truth, she would probably leave me, both hurt and angry because of me. I was being selfish and irrational, I knew that sooner or later something would have to be done, she would found out, but I did not care if that moment. She was all mine and I was all hers. Nothing else seemed to matter when my lips touched hers.

Anna put her arms around my neck and suddenly the kiss turned more passionate. I stopped it for a moment and looked into her eyes.

"I want you to remember this very moment" I said "Remember that I love you, will you?" the guilt burned me, both because I was again cheating on my beloved fiancée and because I was lying to maybe the most important person in my life. Abrianna would find out about my lies –though technically I wasn't lying, I was just avoiding the whole truth, so it was rather a secret, not a lie- and hate me forever, she hated lies, I knew it… So I hopelessly wished that she would remember this moment if something happened to us, to what we suddenly seemed to have, and remember that I was being honest when I said I loved her.

"Ok" she said, a bit confused "Is everything ok?"

"Yes" I said, softly caressing her nose with mine "If I'm with you, then everything will be just fine"


	16. That Is Not To Be

**Enjoy and review.**

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**I didn't freak out the next morning when I woke up next to my naked cousin... _Again_. I did have loads of feelings mixed, though, the same ones I'd experienced the other day, but now I had more control over myself -or at least a part of me.

Abrianna looked even more beautiful in the morning, she seemed to get cuter and cuter by every breath she took... And when that though crossed my mind, so did sadness; I was obviously very deep in love with her. That was a good thing; how could love ever be a bad thing? But at the same time, all this was wrong, these feelings I had for her shouldn't even exist.

For a moment, I got rid of those thoughts, denying the very thought of pushing her away from me. Instead, I pushed my fears away, at least for a while... I let myself love her freely, at least for a while.

I ran my fingers up and down her perfect back, wondering how could I have not realized she was _this_ beautiful before? I mean, I'd _always_ known she was gorgeous, that was something _obvious_, something that was out there for everyone to see... But now she seemed to be twice more beautiful than before, or even _more_! She was now _sexy_ too, something I hadn't noticed before, I'd never looked at her in that way before.

Tom's incredulous face ran through my mind as I imagined myself explaining to my bandmates that I was truly in love with my cousin. I sighed. What would I tell them? Should I tell them the truth? '_Of course you should!_' I voice said from the back of my mind '_And you** will**!_' From all the people in the world, I knew I couldn't lie to them. Beside, if I didn't lie, then I wouldn't have to remember my lies. If I did, things would get even more difficult, I would have to think about the lies I'd told so I wouldn't screw up by saying the truth or something suspicious. Danny would be delighted by my sudden naughtyness, Tom would be horrified -not because he was angry at me or my cousin, but because he didn't want me to cheat on Alissa- and Harry... Well, Harry had his own way to look at things. He basically wanted me to do whatever he thought was best for me. He was, in many ways, the older brother I'd never had, though he wasn't _that_ much older than me. If I thought sleeping with my cousin would be the best thing for me, then he would probably look for excuses than would make this look better than it did. He would support me.

Abrianna moved her eyes a little bit, slightly waking up. I quickly forgot about my friends and she smiled as she opened one eye. I smiled too.

"Good morning" I said "May I say you look beautiful today?"

"You may" she said in a very low voice, then slightly giggled. My heart skipped a bit.

I raised my hand until my fingers touched her hair, our eyes never left each other's. Uncontrollably, I stood very still as she leaned up to kiss me. Her soft kiss was just absolutely perfect. How could I tell her the truth and end this if she kissed this way? I felt two different kinds of warm feelings running through the blood in my veins; one was desire [and love too] and the other, maybe more powerfull, was guilt. I couldn't shake that last feeling, no matter how hard I tried to concentrate in the very first one, the good one.

"What is it?" she asked when she pulled away softly and saw the frustrated expression in my face "Did I do something wrong?"

I almost laughed at that thought; what on Earth was she not good at? Could she really be thinking that she did something wrong as far as it involved kissing or... Well, let's just say _something more_?

"No, of course you didn't do anything wrong" I said.

"Then what is it?" her eyes were full of concern and, at the same time, irresistible sweetness.

'_This is it_' a tiny annoying voice in the back of my head said '_Tell her, this is your opportunity. The more you hide this from her, the angrier she'll get_' I tried to control the expression on my face. I knew that the voice in my head was right, but I ignored it, I was too coward to do the right thing.

"Nothing" I lied, my voice sounded even more convincing than I thought it would "I'm just a bit worried about something else..."

"What is it?"

I hesitated and thought of a good lie as fast as I could "Well, I was thinking that... Hum... I was wondering how to tell my friends about you"

"You're going to tell them?" she said, sounding surprised "So soon?"

My cheeks turned redder; did she not want me to tell them? Damn it, I already had told them!

"Eeer.. Yeah... You want to keep this a secret?" I liked that idea.

"No, it's ok by me" she said, smiling "I just didn't think you would want to tell the world about us so soon"

"Well, I _do_" I smiled back. I honestly did, I wanted to shout it out loud, to tell everybody how much in love I was with her... But that was not to be.

"And what are you going to tell them?" she asked "I mean... What are we? Besides cousins, obviously" she laughed.

"Well..." don't say girlfriend, Dougie, do NOT say girlfriend! "You're my girl" Ok, that's not a girlfriend technically, is it?

"Your _girl_?" she raised an eyebrow, looking sexy but fierce at the same time. Obviously, she didn't like being my 'girl' "And what is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Oh, don't get upset, Anna" I begged. Seeing her angry face was the last thing I needed right then "Let's take this slowly, alright?"

She sighed, but nodded "As long as you still love me..."

"I do... And I will. Always. I promise"

"And will you always be here for me?" her piercing eyes hypnotizing me again.

"I will"

I felt bad about that. I knew that wasn't going to happen, a future together, because I had already promised that to someone else, to Alissa, and I had meant it then. Did I mean it this time too? That would certainly be a problem.


	17. Choices

**Here I am, writing from hell, how are things going on planet Earth?**

**Anyway, thanks for the support and the patience, it means a lot to me! Even bigger thanks to the girls who review. This one's for you!**

**Enjoy and review.**

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After more and more kisses under the sheets, I finally got out of bed. I should start getting my clothes on; Tom would be there to pick me up in any minute. He'd called me about half an hour ago, dragging me back to Earth from the little, secret cloud I shared with Abrianna in Heaven. It was frustrating to go back to reality. I tried to control the expression of my face when he called, all the guilt coming back to me, hitting me as if someone had thrown a tone directly to my head. Apparently, there was a world beyond Ann, a world I had forgotten for long hours, a word where I was getting married with another woman. I felt immediately sick. I turned my back to Anna so she couldn't see me, she would see there was something wrong, she would be able to read my eyes, the guilt was stuck there… But I managed to have a non-suspicious conversation with Tom, avoiding also his questions too, glad that he wasn't there to see my eyes too, but terrified that he would soon.

Time suddenly seemed so short. He would be here in any minute, ready to ask the questions I didn't want to answer. '_Oh, damn, I'm in trouble_' I thought, still feeling a bit sick, but trying to control my stomach as long as I was in front of Abrianna. I put my jeans on with my back to her, breathing deeply. When I turned around, she was staring at me suspiciously, with an eyebrow raised –damn, she looked even sexier like that!- as she put her jeans on too.

"What are you doing?" I asked before I knew what I was saying, panicking. Where did she think she was going?

"Why the weird breathing?" she answered with a question.

"Lady's first" I smiled, though I wasn't sure the smile actually looked like one.

She rolled her eyes "With you, to the studio" she said. I think I'm going to throw up.

"No!" the word came rushing out of my mouth… If only there was something in my brain to control the things I say! She crossed her arms over her chest, suspicious, waiting for me to say something else.

'_Think, Dougie, think!_' the half-clever part of my brain shouted at me '_Lie!_'

_More_ lies? I didn't want to lie… When lies become your only option, then you'll know that things are really messed up, really wrong. I didn't want to be there. What if I was _already_ there?

"Don't come today" I said, following my brain's order.

"Why not?" she seemed almost hurt, but she was a good actress, she would hide her pain from me just so it wouldn't get to me too.

"I… Well, I think I'd better be alone with the boys…. Hum… You know, to talk to them"

"About us?" she said, her face lit up, a smile approaching her lips.

"Yeah, sure"

She fully smiled then and ran across the room to hug me.

"Oh, Dougie, how sweet of you!" she said. Being sweet was the last thing I thought of myself in that moment, but I was glad she thought so "Are you sure you are ready to tell them? How do you think they're going to react?"

'_They are going to kill me_' I thought, not fully feeling my legs.

"I have no idea" I lied again. Damn, I'm a liar! I'm officially a liar! "But I think you shouldn't be there when I tell them, we will talk about it better on our own"

"It's ok, then" she said, smiling "You know your friends better than I do, of course. I hope everything goes just fine."

"So do I…" I mumbled.

'_Though that won't happen…_' I finished the phrase in my head.

"I'm sorry you have to stay here on your own the whole day, though" I said. Suddenly I felt uncomfortable, thinking about what would happen if she found something related to Alissa. When I thought about that, my legs seemed to start shacking. I tried to control them "Why don't you go out, wherever you want to? I'll pay for everything, don't worry about that"

She blushed "I'm not going to spend your money, Dougie"

"Just go to the cinema or something, or for a walk. Then come back in a cab" I explained. Suddenly I wanted her out of my house. I quickly tried to remember if Alissa had ever written my some kind of letter and where I was keeping it if she had.

"Are you sure?" she said, still blushing.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure…"

The sound of the bell scared the hell out of me. Anna realized it, but said nothing at all, maybe thinking I was just anxious about talking to my friends about us. I awkwardly kissed her goodbye and walked out. The cold of the morning didn't seem to bother me, my heart beating fast enough to make me thing it would make his own way out of my chest in any minute. Danny was sitting next to Tom, so I took the backseat with Harry, glad that I was a little bit freer from Tom's eyes that way.

"Good morning, Dougie" Harry said. I could see Danny half-smiling when he looked at me briefly, and wondered how my face looked like. I tried to compose it, to make it look calm.

"Hi" I managed to say in a rather normal voice.

Tom didn't start the car and I took that as a bad sign. He turned to examine my face and gasped after a moment.

"You didn't tell her, _did_ you!?" he said, exasperated.

"How did you know!?" I said, my eyes wide opened in surprised.

"You don't look hurt or sad, you look just like yesterday!" he explained.

"Oh, Dougie!" Harry said "Did you do it with her again?"

I put my hands over my face, ashamed "Yes, I did! Sorry, sorry, sorry! I can't control it!"

"Welcome to my world…" I heard Danny mumbling. He seemed shocked by my news too, but not exasperated or nervous as the others.

"I thought we'd agreed you would end this" Tom said "It's not the same sleeping with a woman once than _twice_! Alissa's not going to forgive you if you go own, if she does _at_ _all_"

"You're not going to tell her, are you?" I said, raising my head to see him, horrified.

"Of course not" Tom said "_You_ are going to tell her"

"Hell, no!" Danny said, turning around in a flash "He speaks a word about this and the wedding is over!" he looked at me then "You can bet on that, dude! You tell her and everything's _over_. Women don't understand affairs"

"Is the wedding going to happen at all?" Harry suddenly said, looking at me "I mean, dude, you can't get married like this."

They three heads turned to me, waiting. My legs were shacking, I felt horribly sick. I didn't know what to answer. Yes, I did want to get married… But he was right; I couldn't get married like _this_. I had to finish this now or call the wedding off… But I didn't want to do neither of those things, I didn't want to break up with neither Alissa or Abrianna.

"I guess it is" I said.

"For God's shake, Dougie!" Tom said, horrified "You've just hesitated"

"No, no!" I said, trying to clear my thoughts as I spoke "I _am_ getting married. I just don't know how to handle this, guys."

"How much does she know?" Harry asked, a bit more calm now.

"Nothing at all" I said, feeling horribly sick "Oh, God, I'm a bad person"

"No, you're not" Harry said and put a hand over my shoulder, smiling at me a little bit and acting like my older brother again "You're just a bit stupid… And a guy, for that matter"

"He's right, these things happen, dude" Danny explained "You need to know how to either end it or control it"

"And you only choice if to end it" Tom said.

It seemed like the 'what-the-hell-are-you-insane' part hand ended and now there back to being my best-friends, ready to help me with anything, ready to help me find a solution to the biggest problem I'd ever had.

"Now we have to concentrate on how to do that" Harry said "How much time do we have?"

"What do you mean?"

"When is Alissa coming back?"

"In a week, I think" then I thought Tom's car was in seriously danger, a warm horrible feeling growing in my throat.

"Dude, you'd better hurry up" Tom said.

"There's another choice, though" Danny spoke quietly, looking at Tom cautiously, as if he would jump over him in any minute… But I liked the words 'another coice'.

"Is there?" Tom said, raising an eyebrow.

"You can choose Abrianna" Danny said. Tom stared at him in disbelief and I looked at Harry, trying to figure out what he thought about this option, though it scared the hell out of me. Choosing Anna meant leaving Alissa. Could I really do that? Could I turn my back on her? That wouldn't please me, that wouldn't make me happy, the guilt would consume me. She was so happy, so thrill about the wedding. I remembered when I last saw her and wondered if that had being our last embrace. Suddenly, I felt like crying.

Harry's face seemed calm, he was staring back at me. Then I knew he wouldn't be helpful; he'd just approve whatever I chose, he would be okay with the two options I had, he didn't care about the girls, he cared about me. _Damn_! His opinion was the one that probably mattered the most to me, and yet he didn't have one.

There was a third option, an impossible option though; not choosing. That was the one I liked the most, yet the one I couldn't choose.

"What is it going to be then, Dougie?" Harry asked in a soft voice "Who do you choose?"


	18. A Night To Remember

**Yes, I know, I'm super late. I'm back from my holidays and I'm going through some very stressfull stuff [weird kind-of break up with my boyfriend but we're not breaking up, so everything's confusing, missing friends, crappy family....]. I'll try to update sooner now than I'm home.**

**Once again, I am very truly sorry for the delay.  
**

**Enjoy and review.**

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'_Crap, crap, crap, crap..._' I thought over and over again as I stood in front of the door of my own house, a house I would leave as soon as I got married... _If_ I got married at all '_Stupid little selfish and __capricious heart of mine_!'

Love's a beautiful thing, you know? But it sucks. It sucks so badly when it doesn't turn out the way you wanted, when things get out of control. Love makes everything complicated.

Making a choice was my only option, though it didn't please me and it certainly scared the hell out of me. Chosing someone meant hurting the other one. Would I be able to do so? Was I able to look into Abrianna's eyes and tell her I was getting married? I was actually surprised -though glad!- that she hadn't found out yet. She could have easily found out during our time together in Corringham, it was just luck that kept my mother or sister from saying anything about my fiancee...

... Or would I be able to call the wedding off? Would I be able to send cancellations to all the invitations we'd already sent weeks ago? I knew Alissa already had her dress ready and felt sick as I imagined her throwing it away.

I wished people thought more like Danny; one lover isn't enough. I wanted them both!

I could hear Tom's voice in my head, trying to convince me that the cleverest thing to do would choose Alissa. Harry had been rather quiet about it and Danny kept telling me that whoever I chose was ok. I'd been thinking that maybe Tom was right, Alissa was the cleverer choice, things with Anna could get complicated; she was my cousin, after all... How would our families react? What would people think? People like critizising way too much and I was sure they would talk about us for a long time.

The door opened slowly and I looked up surprised, completely sure that I hadn't opened the door. Could I have opened the door without realizing it?

But Ann was staring at me with curious eyes, a bit of concern too stuck there, in her lovely green eyes.

"I saw you through the window" she explained in a soft voice. She didn't seem like my secret lover, it didn't feel like it was just days ago that we first made love together, I felt she was my partner, someone I could love and trust, as if we'd been together like this for years. She slowly raised her hand, as if she was trying not to scare me with a fast movement, and gently touched my cheek with her fingertips "You're cold"

I nodded. It was cold, but I hadn't noticed it until she'd said so. I wasn't aware of anything around me, nothing but her and my crappy thoughts.

Abrianna took my hand and softly pulled me in. She took my coat off and stared at me for a moment. I was waiting for her to kiss me, but her lips never reached mine, her eyes still full of concern.

"What is it?" she said.

"I'm fine" I lied, almost choking with my words.

"You're eyes..." she said, examining me. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't "You're not fine, I know you better than can not lie to me"

'_I am already_ _lying_' I thought and felt afraid of saying it outloud without notizing it.

Tom's words came to my mind again; '_break up with her_'. I imagened again how she would react; tears and hate, that was what I was expecting. She would hate me, hate me forever and I would be forever lost.

Her soft but urgent touch freed me from my thoughts, she grabbed my face in her warm hands and pulled herself closer to me.

"Oh, my love..." she whispered, worried "What is it, Dougie? Your face, your eyes... You're scaring me"

"I- I'm sorry" I mumbled.

She laughed without humour "Do not apologize for being miserable."

Well, that wasn't exactly what I was apologizing for.

She took my hand again and dragged me to the sofa. She put a blanket over me, then sat by my side and examined my face again. I was wondering if she would hear my heart beating as loud as I could. It almost hurt, like it was digging its way out of my chest.

"I did something wrong" I said, not daring to look into her eyes "A mistake, maybe... And I'm afraid you may hate me for it"

"Is that what is making you look so miserable?" she said. I nodded. She ran her fingers through my hair and her sweetness only made my guilt felt stronger "I will never hate you, I swear. I _can't_ hate you, Dougie. So please stop looking so miserable. It hurts _me_. You don't want to hurt me, do you?"

"Of course not!" I said urgently, looking up inmediately. I wish she would remember this later, when she found out... Because she would, and soon... "I love you. I swear"

She laughed "And I believe you" then her face turned a bit more serious "Why don't you go to sleep? We'll talk about this tomorrow if you want."

I felt horribly sick and she must have thought I was just tired. How much time did I have before my nightmares came true? I couldn't believe I was really going to do it. I'd had so little time to love her and she wasn't going to be mine anymore so soon.

"I don't want to sleep" I said urgently and threw the blanket to floor to be able to hug her "I have something else in mind, if you don't mind..."

If this was going to be our last night together, it the world was ending tomorrow for my poor little heart, then tonight would be a night that neither of us would ever forget.


	19. Unexpected

**Told you I would write more, didn't I? Here I am. You are getting lazy too though, with the reviews I mean! This is a rather long chapter, I've just written it. This one deserves reviews!  
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Time passed faster than I expected. Every minute that was gone was also part of the very short time I had left with Anna… And she still didn't even know. I hadn't dared telling her I was getting married, I was too afraid and too ashamed of myself to speak the truth out loud, at least in front of her. Tom was nearly going mad, waiting for me to do the 'right thing'. When you know you're going to do something that's going to hurt the one you love, how can _that_ be the right thing to do? Harry, for some reason, understood that I needed my time to do this. I was going to wait until Alissa came back to tell Anna the truth. I would need someone to hold me, someone to support me in ways my friends couldn't after hurting Anna this much, and I knew Alissa would be the one for me in that moment. Danny just thought that it was funny that I was finally behaving wildly.

Alissa was coming back in only four days and time was running out. I tried to spend as much time as I could with Anna, fearing that she would not wish to see me anymore after my fiancée arrived, afraid that I would have to say goodbye to my heart –or at least a part of it- forever. I felt like crying every time I was with Anna and realized how stupid I was being… But I just couldn't help it. A minute with her was like spending a minute in heave, a gift I did not deserve but I wasn't going to reject either. I didn't deserve her but I still wanted her so badly.

I knew Abrianna realized there was something wrong going on, but she never asked anything about it. I was sure that she could also see that I wasn't going to –and perhaps _couldn't_- talk about it, not yet. She just held me even closer every time I stopped talking and got lost on my secret misery. She was a great lover, an angel, perfect for me and yet I had become into a liar and was going to be the one who had hurt her the most in her life very soon. The thought made me feel sick of myself. I would hurt an angel, I was a demon…

… But what else could I do? Call my fiancée and tell her I did not want to get married anymore because I was sleeping with my cousin? No, I couldn't do that either. I had a life with her, perhaps a family soon too… And which were my choices with Anna? We couldn't even get married, could we? Isn't that illegal? And our kids… Wouldn't they grow all weird? I mean, that happens, something related to the genes… It was too risky; maybe it wouldn't even work out after all.

'_Excuses_' a voice from the back of my mind said, the one who deeply wanted to stay with Ann '_Those are just stupid excuses_'.

I leaned against the kitchen's wall and watched Anna cook pasta. She turned around to meet my eyes and smiled with so much sweetness that I could have sworn I felt butterflies in my stomach.

"You look tired" she said while she walked closer to me.

"Just a bit" I said. I wasn't going to spend the little time I had with her sleeping!

"Why don't you go to bed? I'll call you when dinner's ready" she said.

"No, I want to stay" I said, almost urgently.

She giggled briefly then caressed my cold cheek with her fingertips. Sorrow consumed me, soon enough she would be gone, maybe forever, and this, the kisses, the love, the embraces, everything, would be nothing but part of my memories.

Ann sighed as soon as she recognized the unhappiness in my eyes.

"Do you want me to go?" she asked, taking me by surprise.

"Of course not. Why would you think that?"

"Your eyes, Dougie, your eyes… You've been so sad lately and yet you don't tell me _why_" she said "I'm starting to think it's because of _me_."

I put my arms around her in a quick movement and pressed my lips against her.

"Don't say that" I said after kissing her "You make me happy. I want you here… Always"

"Oh, I would be careful if I were you" she smiled from ear to ear "I may stay forever if you don't kick me out, Poynter"

"That sounds perfect, _Poynter_"

We both giggled at our private joke and I leaned down to kiss her again. Her lips seemed impossibly delicious, so warm, so soft. It was impossible for me to let this go. I still had no idea how I would do it, but I would enjoy it while she was still mine.

She pulled away softly and smiled. Ann opened her mouth and she was about to say something when I heard the front door opening. I froze. She looked at me confused for a moment, examining my face.

"Honey, are you home?" the so familiar voice of my fiancée called from the door. I thought my knees were going to fail and I would fall, but someone they didn't. My body felt horribly hot, my heartbeat speeding up incredibly fast, my head spinning in horror. It was a lovely, perfect voice that caught me off guard, in the arms of the other woman I loved. For a brief moment I was glad the kitchen was in the other side of the house.

"Who's that?" Anna asked confused. I let her go, afraid Alissa would see us, and took a deep breath.

"Stay here" I told her. She seemed curious and a bit worried "_Please._ I'll be right back"

Ann didn't seem to like the idea, but nodded quietly. I stumbled out of the room and toward the entrance. Alissa was waiting for me, looking around the living-room. Her brown, curtly hair was all wet and gorgeous, as usual, and her smile lit up the room as soon as she saw me.

"Dougie!" she said and ran to hug me. She threw herself in my arms and I almost fell back. I made sure she didn't notice I was shacking. She pressed her lips tightly against mine. The kiss should have felt as good as usual, but my mind and soul were too troubled to find it comfortable. I pulled away gently and looked around, horrified by the idea of Anna watching us, but she wasn't there "Baby, I've missed you!"

"I- I- I've missed you too" I said, my voice trembling.

"Are you alright?" she said "You look… Strange"

"I thought you were coming in a few days" I said.

"Yeah, but I missed you too much and I thought you'd be happy to see me here earlier. Mum is finishing the last details of the wedding, she said I could come back to my baby now" she laughed, one of the most beautiful sounds in the whole world, a sound I hadn't thought about in a long time and that made me feel guilty.

"Oh" I managed to say.

"Aren't you happy I'm back?" she said a bit hurt, my face couldn't be showing too much happiness right then. I tried to compose it and smile, but I wondered if I had really succeeded at that.

"Of course yes, baby" I said "I just wasn't excepting you, I… Well, I… I have visits"

"Visits? Who?"

"Abrianna… My cousin" the three simple words seemed to burn my throat.

"You never told me you have a cousin named like that"

"I know, I just stopped talking about her after she left home… But she's back and has been staying with me here…"

"Well, can I meet her?"

"I don't think you should…" the idea horrified me, the thought of the two women I love and was sleeping with in the same room at the same time was just awful for my poor little heart.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Well, she… She's kind of sick…" oh, God, more lies!

"Then don't be around her, dumbass! We're getting married soon, Dougie! What if you get sick for the wedding?"

I already felt horribly sick, thanks...

"Don't shout" I said horrified and tried to calm down "Look, honey, I'll call you later, alright? I need to stay with Anna"

She sighed and nodded, disappointment running through her eyes, I knew she would try to hide it for me so she wouldn't bother me but I already knew her too well.

"Ok, then…" she kissed me once and smiled a little bit "Talk to you later… I love you"

"I love you too" I tried not to choke at the words.

As soon as the door closed, Abrianna came walking slowly, a mortified expression in her face.

Oh, God, this can't be good…

I looked at her, waiting for the sound of her lovely voice. I was lucky people can't die of guilt.

"I stayed in the kitchen, like you asked me" she asked, pain in her voice "but she stalks rather loudly, you know?"

You know that feeling when you think your heart has left your chest and it's beating right there on your throat, when you can not listen to anything else because your heartbeat seems too loud, when an uncomfortable warm feeling fills your chest? Well, I felt like that and ever worse.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she said "You have told me, Dougie…"

"I couldn't…" I mumbled "I'm sorry"

"You couldn't tell me you were getting married?" her voice rose at the last word.

"I don't want to let you go"

She ran her fingers through her hair impatiently. She took a deep breath then looked at me. I was expecting insults, rage and even punches, but nothing of that happened "You can not have us both, you know that. You're not telling her about me, are you?"

I moved my head from side to side, not sure how my voice would sound.

"Then I guess that says it call… You've already chosen her, haven't you?"

I didn't dare moving or speaking. She softly walked closer to me, carefully avoiding my eyes. Anna stopped when she was just inches away from me and kissed my cheek, a tear running down hers.

"She's a good choice" she whispered "Better than _me_ for sure"

"It's not like that" I said.

"It's always been like that, Dougie… _I_ wouldn't choose _myself_!" she laughed without humor "Just let me tell you that I would have chosen you over anybody else… Always"


	20. Run Away

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I wanted to stop her, tell her to stay, but I couldn't. I was frozen in the doorway, watching her as she threw her clothes in her bag. I'd told her I was sorry a million times until she gently told me to stop, no sign of hate in her eyes, only sorrow. I should probably clean up the pieces of my heart that were still on the livingroom, I would do that later...

I sighed.

I wonder if Anna was crying and realized I didn't want to know. She had her back on me the whole time, maybe she was trying to hold back her tears while we were still in the same room. The thought that she was leaving in just minutes was killing me, but I didn't know what to do or say.

"Stay" I managed to say in a low whisper. I thought she hadn't heard me, she was moving without looking at me yet.

"I can't do that" she said after a minute of silence "I can't stay. You know that"

I knew, yes... And I also knew that now that she was leaving, I would be able to go back to Alissa and get married after all, but it felt wrong anyway, as if a part of my soul was leaving me with her.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know..." she hesitated "I've always liked the idea of going to America"

"_What?_" I almost choked, my _voice_ an _octave high_ with surprise "_America_? What are you talking about?" I walked closer to her, dying to look into her eyes, dying to hear a reasonable explanation for this madness I'd just heard.

She avoided my eyes, but talked again "Where else am I going to go? There's no place called home for _me_... The world's my home"

"Go to Corringham, my mum will welcome you with open arms, you know that, _that_'s your home!"

"_Right_" she laughed without humor "Do you really think I'll be able to go to the one place where _everything_ reminds me of you? No, thanks"

"But you can not leave England!"

"Why not?" she demanened, turning to face me with fierce eyes "You can get married and I can't go wherever I want? Why should I say anyway? What's in England for me?"

"_I_ am here" I tried not to sound so desperate, but I was and I just couldn't concentrate on hiding it.

"Yes and_ that_'s the problem" I could tell my sweet baby was holding back her tears and I hushed my urge to cry "I can't stay here and be a part of your life if I can't be on it the way I was just yesterday. I can't do that to myself anymore. Are you going to be selfish enough to ask me to say?... To ask me to go to your wedding?"

Her voice broke at the end, at the very last word, and it seemed such a weird thing when she said it out loud... The idea of a wedding that didn't include her seemed suddenly weird.

I tried not to cry when reality shocked me; was I ever going to see her again?

No, I wasn't selfish enough to ask for that, but I was selfish enough to wish I could.

"You... Can't... Leave me" I said between sobs.

"Dougie," she placed her hands on my cheeks gently, her eyes so sad that it broke my already broken heart "_you _have already left _me_"

She turned away and picked up a pair of blue socks from the floor. I quickly tried to think of something but I knew I couldn't do that, letting her go was the right thing... Well, as far as I'd been told. I couldn't stop her but I couldn't let her go.

"Go to Harry's, he'll let you stay in his house for a while" I said. At least I could try to keep her in the same country I was, the same city.

"Dougie, if we're really getting over with this, then I need a new life. I know I won't even be able to think of you, I will hurt way to much. I need a new life... Without you or anything that reminds me of you"

So that was it? She was leaving again? So I was really not ever going to see her again?

Panic ran through me.

"Please..." I begged.

She sighed and turned again.

"I don't understand... Isn't this what you wanted? I'm the one who's causing trouble, your affair. Now I'll be gone and you'll get married, the way it's supposed to be."

I couldn't answer, I had nothing to say about that, though it seemed so cruel the way she said that, it wasn't at all what I thought.

She laughed with sadness "I was a fool to think we could get married... Because it's actually legal you know? I'd thought you would love me forever, have a family with me, the whole thing... Like I said, I was a fool"

I wanted to speak, tell her she wasn't a fool, tell her she was just a lovely angel, but my throat was dry.

She sighed and caressed my cheek "I love you... But I can't stay anymore."

She stood on her tiptoes to kiss me and I felt both ours tears running down our faces...

I knew it then, I knew I would never see her again...

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**[This isn't the end]**


	21. Don't Let Go

**Thanks McSteph for being the only one who is reviewing ¬¬ So I wasn't the only one who got lazy, huh? :D**

**Enjoy and review.**

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[Two weeks later, a week before the wedding]

"¿Are you alright?" Harry asked me, almost too quietly for me to hear. I was forcing myself to stay focus in reality and not let my mind consume me with painful memories.

I looked up, realizing I'd stared at a huge pink cake for about 5 minutes. I cursed secretly, right now I wished he didn't know me so well.

"Sure" I said.

"Yeah, _sure_" he said, irony in his tone. He looked around, hesitating before speaking again. He opened his mouth and closed it, then opened it again after taking a deep breath "You don't have to do this, you know? Just speak the words and I'll get you out of here"

I avoided his eyes and began feeling a bit angry.

"Don't be ridiculous" I mumbled between my teeth "I _want_ to do this"

"Well, tell that to your face cause it doesn't seem to agree, dude"

I looked up at him angryly, then sighed; there was no reason to get angry at him, Harry wanted nothing but to help me, though taking about leaving wouldn't help at all. I'd made a decision and I would have to stick to it until the end... Or at least until I was married.

"Just..." I sighed "Don't let me look like this around Al, will you?"

He simply nodded, keeping his thoughts to himself, just as I needed right now.

"Baby!" Alissa called from the other side of the store. We were going to order the cake today and I wasn't being very helpfull, but lucky my sweet darling wasn't aware of that, she was too excited about the wedding. I was glad I could at least fool her "I've found it, I've found it, the perfect cake!" she smiled and I did my best to smile back at her.

"That's great, honey, show me"

I heard Harry sighed behind me and tried to ignore it as Alissa took my hand and dragged me to the other side of the store. I really deeply tried to pay attention, to be interesting, but to me it was just a white, four feet tall cake. Loads of the wedding stuff seemed so stupid, all the decoration. We'd been working on that recently and I just looked like a zombie walking through the stores, secretly worrying about my forever-lost Anna. Harry was the first to realize I wasn't... Well, let's say 'properly working' and pretended to be interesting in the wedding's decoration, he came to all the stores with us, always keeping an eye on me.

"You want this one, babe?" I asked her as sweetly as I could, always trying to stay focus around my future wife.

"Yeah, but we should talk about prices, I think this one is rather exp-"

"We'll have this one. You name it and I'll give it to you" it was the least I could do after falling in love with my cousin behind her back. Guilt still haunted me and it would for a long time, I think.

She giggled happyly and kissed me. It felt weird everytime I kissed her... I love her, I know I do, but now things feel slightly different. I know it's probably just me, my mind is all messed up with memories of Abrianna smiling and memories of her crying, crying because of _me_. I wondered how long it would take me to go back to normal, to be a good boyfriend again, a great husband. That last word seemed utterly weird to me right then.

"Is that all for today?" I asked, not really to someone in particular.

"Yes, that's all. We should get your suit tomorrow" Harry answered. He did my job lately, remembered everything I was supposed to remember, everything I would have forgotten without a doubt.

"Ok" I tried not to look relief. Soon enough I would be alone again in the loniless of my house and wouldn't have to pretend for anyone "Let's go then"

"Wait, babe" Alissa hesitated, then gently caressed my cheek. When she spoke, I could barely hear her "Can we talk in private for a moment?"

"Now?" Oh, this can't be good "_Here_?"

"It'll be just a moment, I swear"

I nodded, I owned her everything and even more, but I didn't know what that was.

She took my hand and led me somewhere more private, I wasn't very aware where she was taking me, just focused on my feet and tried not to get nervous. If this went of, I would die young of a heart attack.

Suddenly she stopped, too quickly for me to notice, and I almost bumped into her. '_Stay focus_' I told myself.

I looked down at my gorgeous fiancee, who suddenly seemed worried.

"Baby, I get that you have a lot of work lately and now your cousin has left your family again" I flinched at those words and hoped she hadn't notice, a wave of pain going down my body like fire in my veins "and, well... I don't understand what you're feeling, but perhaps you need sometime..."

"What do you mean?"

"If you're not ready, we can postpone the wedding... Or maybe you don't want to marry _me_ anymore" I noticed her voice trembling at the end and I hurried to put my arms around her. Lately, all I did was hurting those around me, it had to stop.

...So I hadn't fooled her after all.

"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry" I said "It's not that, I'm sorry, Alissa. I'm getting married with you in a week, I _am_, I don't want to postpone it"

She put her arms around me too, looking for comfort.

"I love you" she mumbled between sobs. I felt like a deja-vu, only it was another person that I was thinking about.

"I love you too" I whispered, not too sure how my voice sounded.

This sick, twisted misery had to stop, even if it hurt to let go all the memories I shared with Ann... But we had both already let go each other.


	22. Wedding Day

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**Next chapter might be the last one.  
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I've never been good with ties, so Tom was doing it for me, he knew all about them.

"You can not be 22 and not know how to wear a tie" he said under his breath. Both Danny and I laughed.

I was just minuted away from getting married, waiting in another room until they told us to go into the big big room of the church, right at the end of the aisle. As far as I knew, Alissa hadn't arrived yet, they were having some problems with the traffic and I was getting impatient. The longer I was away from her, the more time I had to think of-

'_No_' I told myseld as I closed my eyes to concentrate '_No today_'

I sighed and opened my eyes. I met Harry's worried eyes and there was something on them, something different.

"You nervous, Doug?" Danny asked.

"Yeah, sure..." I mumbled. I rather have them thinking I was nervous than telling them I was still in love with someone else.

"It's not that" Harry mumbled, looking away from me "You know it's not that"

I was surprised by that, I didn't expect it. So far, he'd helped me not to think on Anna, he'd distracted me, and now, in my wedding day, he was going to bring up the subject?

We all stayed in silence. Tom and Danny quietly knew what he meant.

"Not today" I mumbled under my breath.

"Then when, if not today?" he said, standing up impatiently "This may be your last chance to talk about it"

"Why should I talk about it?" I said, a bit pissed. The subject brought nothing but doubts and sorrow to me "She's probaly gone, in America"

"No, she's not" he bit his lips.

I stared at him for a moment, confused "How do you know that? You've seen her?" sorrow grew strong in my chest, so did jealousy; oh, my eyes would give everything to see her at least once more.

"She came to my house... I don't know how she knew the adress, she just came" he said.

"_What_!? When!? Why didn't you tell me?" I moved forwards, both impatient, dying for information, and angry; how dared him keep something like that from me?

"I wasn't sure I should tell you" he said "It was just two days ago"

"Of course you should have told me!" I yelled angryly.

"Oh, Doug, keep your voice down" Tom warned me "People outside can probably hear us"

"I give a fuck about the people outisde!" my heartbeat sped up; so maybe hope wasn't lost, at least not forever. We were still in the same country, I could still see her again "Speak, Harry, tell me everything!"

He looked at Tom nervously and I followed his eyes.

"Oh, do not tell me you knew about this!" I said, pointing a finger at Tom.

"We thought it was the best, Dougie!" he said, not as loud as I was yelling of course "After all, what good can come from telling you? You were going to freak out, like you are doing right now! Let her go, Dougie"

I sat down, not trusting my legs.

"Did you know?" I asked Danny, who was watching from a corner.

"Of course not" Harry answered before Dan could "He can't keep a secret"

"Hey!" Danny said, hurt, then relaxed "Well, yeah, that's truth"

I tried to control my thoughts; in a way, there were right, I shouldn't worry about her anymore, I couldn't, it wasn't right, I was in a suit, waiting for my bride to arrive... But I needed to know; was she alright? Didn't she hate me yet? Was my love alright? Was she leaving? Was she staying?

"I want to know" I said, raising my head to look at Harry, my voice was a tiny whisper "_Please_"

Tom gave Harry a secret warning with his eyes, but he ignored Tom. He simply stood up and opened his single-breasted jacket. Inside I saw he had a pocket and took an envelope from it. He just placed it in my lap and waited. Danny came closer, curious.

I looked at Harry, a bit afraid of what the letter would say, a bit afraid about my reaction.

"What if I get scared?" I mumbled as I stared at the letter. He knew what I meant; what if I freaked out about the wedding, just as Tom's said?"

"Well, then perhaps you're not ready, Doug" he simply said "Nobody's forcing you to do this"

I sighed and slowly opened the envelope. There was a letter inside and also a plane ticket. I examined that last one, confused.

"Just read the letter" Tom said. I looked at him as I raced an eyebrow; they had obviusly already read it.

I put the plane ticket down next to me and read the letter. Her handwritting was gorgeous.

'_I know it's foolish from me to expect anything else, but what is life without hope? I love you and I know I always will. I can not stay here without you and so I'm leaving. But, perhaps, you will want to come too. Like I said, foolish, I know... I just wanted you to know you've got another option. If by some kind of miracle you decide to come, I'll be waiting for you in the gate 12, where we are supposed to go to get into our plane. I'll wait until they close the doors, then I'll leave, with or without you. If you do not come, that's alright, just promise me you'll be happy. Yours until the end of time, A._'

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**Now review**


	23. Decision

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**Next chapter's the last. I may be updating it today aswell.****  
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The boys waited in silence, watching me as my hands shook. I was staring at the plane ticket while I held the letter in my hand.

Suddenly I nervously put down the letter and grabbed the plane ticket: it was for today. The plane was leaving at 12.30, midday. I felt sick. I had one hour left to get to the airport... _If_ I was going. Going meant leaving this place, leaving my wedding, something I couldn't do... Or could I?

'_No, I can't, of course I can't_' I thought '_But what if I don't go? Will I ever see her again? She's leaving, with or without me, and perhaps forever!_'

"He looks horribly sick" I heard Tom said and raised my head to find my three friends around me, examining my face.

"Horribly pale" Danny added.

"Should he call a doctor?" Tom wondered.

"No, no doctors" I said. I stood up, a little too fast, and felt a bit dizzy. Harry got next to my side in a blink, ready to catch me if I fell, but I didn't, though I did stumble a little bit. I started walking around the room, I couldn't stay calm, I couldn't think properly.

"We really shouldn't have said anything" Tom mumbled.

"No" I said, a bit angry "You should have told me _earlier_, not 5 minutes before my wedding!"

"Dougie, just try to calm down" Harry said.

"Calm down!?" I repeated in disbelief "My _perhaps_ future wife is going to arrive in any moment and Abrianna is waiting right now for me in the airport! How am I going to calm down!?"

I just coulnd't believe my bad luck; why had she chosen _this_ day? Had she known? Was she making me choose again?

No, she wouldn't do that. She didn't even believe I was going. Was she right? Was I capable of leaving Alissa and all our guests behind?

"Your _perhaps_ future wife?" Tom repeated "What is _that_ supposed to mean? You _are_ getting married"

"Do not pressure me!" I said "This is your fault"

I sat down and sighed, then stood up again a minute later.

"Alright, Dougie, they were very very stupid" Danny said and both Harry and Tom gave him a killing look that he ignored "but there's nothing we can do about it _now_. What you've got to do now is that a decision."

"You've already chosen Alissa" Harry said.

"Yeah, but, maybe, if he's having doubts it's because she's not the right one for him" Danny said. That wasn't helpful, that confused me even more.

Harry put his hands on my shoulders to keep my from moving around the room and looked at me with serious but calm eyes.

"If you have doubts, don't get married, Dougie" he said "Just forget about everyone else for a moment, be selfish, just a little bit, and think; what do _you_ want?"

I looked back at him, the three of my bestfriends were waiting for an answer. I imagined Alissa, beatiful as she was, in the white dress I hadn't still seen, smiling, happy. I loved that. I imagined my life with her, our kids, the house she would decorate for us, my sweet wife cooking dinner for me. It was all someone could ever ask for yet not enough for _me_... Because, as perfect as it seemed, it was hell. Anna wasn't in it. _Again_. I'd gone through hell one, I'd lost her once. Now I had the chance to keep her, maybe forever, who knew. I had been a fool to fall in love with her but there was nothing I could do about it. I loved her.

"I want her" I mumbled, lost in thought.

"Who's _her_ exactly?" Tom said.

"Anna" I said "I want Abrianna"

"Dougie, are you _completely_ sure about this?" Harry asked, his hands still on my shoulders, that big-brother look again in his eyes.

"No" I giggled, love raising in my heart. The difficult part is always making choices, but once you've done that, the rest should be easier "But I can't let her go"

"You'll have to let Alissa go" Tom reminded me.

"I know" my smiled faded away. God knew I loved that girl more than anything else, but not more than Anna, now I knew that.

"If you want to find Anna, we've got to leave. _Now_" Danny said "The traffic's like crazy today and that airport's huge"

I looked at Tom; I knew he didn't like this, he adored Alissa and was happy I was getting married. He was the only one with a car here and the only one I could ask to take me to my cousin. Just by the pleading look I gave him, he understood what I wanted. He rolled his eyes but put his hand in his jacket and took out his car keys.

"Let's go" he said "If you're really leaving this wedding, then you'd better be on time there!"

I smiled, excited; I, for sure, had the best friends in the world.


	24. Gate 12

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**Last chapter.**

**[Just so if you're interesing, I'll be writing more stories really soon]  
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"Let's take the backdoor" Danny said pointing to a door across the room "I don't think people will understand if they see you leaving"

"Good idea, let's go" Harry pushed me out the door to a little garden behind the church. We ran to the car, just in front of the cruch, and I prayed Alissa wouldn't arrive just then cause I wasn't sure I would be able to leave if she did.

Once we were safe in Tom's car, I sighed. Oh, damn. Reality started to kick in. What was going to happen to Alissa? She would be completely broken! And what about the party after the wedding? And my family? What would they say!?

Harry must have seen all my worried in my face and spoke just about when I was going to tell Tom to go back.

"Look, you go to the gate 12, we'll take care of everything else" he said "We're already here, we can't go back now" sometimes I wondered if Harry could read my mind, it was kind of creepy.

I nodded nervously. Tom didn't surprise me being smart and drove first to my house; my passport. I wasn't going anywhere without it. I jumped out the car and run into my house, followed closely by Harry. I froze in the livingroom; I had no idea where my passport was. We always travel a lot and by now I'd forgotten where I put it. I didn't even remember putting in _anywhere_.

Harry ran up the stairs and I followed him confused. He opened my bedroom's door and ran to the little wooden table next to my bed. He opened the only drawer and threw me my passport.

"How did you know it was there?" I asked.

"I always put it there, I know you would probably lose it if I left it under your control. By the look on your face, I'm right. I mean, you didn't even _notice_ you had no idea where it was supposed to be"

I should have felt hurt, but he was right about every word he spoke.

"Let's go"

We ran back to the car and Tom didn't even wait for me to shut the door completely before the car was moving again. I was practically bouncing up and down on the car, I think I was getting on Danny's nerves. I tried not to think of anything but Abrianna, but leaving Alissa was also hurting me. Was the pain ever going to stop? I would be in the arms of the woman I loved -if I got there in time- and perhaps that would heal all my wounds. But what if I _didn't_ get there on time? The traffic was a mess, cars everywhere, my poor little heart beating too fast in my chest. I had nothing but twenty minutes left until the plane was gone and we weren't even there yet.

"Dougie, listen to me" Harry said "Don't pay attention to anything we use to do when we fly"

"What do you mean?" Danny said before I could.

"You have no time to lose. We're about to get there, so listen carefully" I nodded, looking into his eyes, paying attention "When we get to the airpot, jump off the car as fast as you can and ask someone from the stuff where the x-ray machine is, you've got to go there to hand in your luggage"

"But I have no luggage" I'd just realized that.

"_Exactly_. So don't you be stupid enough to waste your time in the queue. Talk to the police officer there, tell him you're late for the plane, explain you have no luggage. Remove everything that's got metal right now so you won't waste time with that either. Then ran through the departure area and just run to gate 12, don't pay attention to screens or anything else. Just run, run the _whole_ time. Keep the plane ticket and your passport in your hand the whole time too."

I nodded and repeated everything in my head as I put my granfather's old watch off my pocket and into Harry's lap, also a bracelet and my belt.

"No, keep that, _idiot_" he said "You won't be able to run without it. Just take it off when you get to the x-ray machine" he smiled and I did too, though nervously.

The car stopped before I realized it and Harry pushed me out the door.

"Go get her tigger!" was the last thing I heard Danny say.

I ran as fast as I could, faster than I ever thought I really could, pushing some people out of my way when I had to. I ran to a lovely girl in a suit and interrupted a conversion she was having with a couple of ancient people.

"Excuse me" I said under my breath "but could you tell me where the x-ray machine is?"

She looked insulted by my interrumption, but luckyly answered "Turn in that corner" I looked where she was pointing with her finger and nodded "then walk in a straight line, you should be able to see it in just-"

"Thanks" I was running before she could have finished, probably insulting her again, but there was no tme to be polite. Some people turned at look at me, the crazy dude with a very expensive wedding suit that was running through the place without luggage. I took off my jacket as soon as I turned in the right corner, feeling the heat in my whole body, and unbuttoned my white vest. I did that in a surprising speed while I held my passport and plane ticket in the same hand.

Soon I saw the x-ray machine and the long queue. An officer was waiting was a tall, old man started to take off everything that was metal. I run to him.

"Excuse me, sir, I-"

"To the end of the queue, young man" he said.

"But, you don't understand, my flight is about to leave. _Please_. I don't _anything _with metal" I said, I'd already took off my belt and showed it to him "I don't have any luggage either. Please, I _have_ to go on, I can not wait"

He hesitated, then stared at me with an expressionless face, then smiled "Hey, you're that kiddo from that band, aren't you?"

I rolled my eyes; I wasn't expecting that.

"I am, yes, sir. Now, can I go on, please?"

"I'll tell you something" he smiled, speaking in a lower voice. He took a pen and a little notebook out of his pocket "Just give me your autograph for my little daughter and I'll let you go on"

That was fine by me. As soon as I finished writting '_to Alice, love you, Dougie Poynter_' and the guy had explained me where the gate 12 was, I had my belt on again and was running toward it.

'_Go up the stairs, the one that's got McDonals in one side and a book store in the other, then turn left, then keep a straight line until you see the lady's room, then turn left again, then I should be there, the sign that says 'Gate 12'_' the officer had said.

I looked around me, looking desperately too see a sign of McDonals. The signs from other restaurants and shops confused me, sweat run down my face, my heart was almost going to explode and I'd dropped my jacket.

Finally I saw those stairs and run up trying to ignore the pain in my legs; I hadn't run in a long time, not like this.

"Last call for Brazil 12.30, gate 12" a femenine voice said from out of nowhere. That was _my_ flight.

There was loads of people in the hallway when I turned in the left corner, as I was ordered. I tried to run faster, but people was started to complain about me pushing them. I couldn't see the lady's bathroom anyway. Or was is the men's bathroom?

'_Oh, God, oh, God..._' I thought nervously '_Please, remember, remember, now..._'

I saw the men's bahtroom and turned left, running through an almost empty hallway, until I bumped into a big guy and his girlfriend, my body colapsing with hers. We both fell to the floor, her scream hurting my ears.

"Sorry, sorry" I said as I stood up. I didn't even help her up, I was ready to run away, but his big escort caught me by the vest.

"Where do you think you're going?" he said angryly, his first strongly closed in my vest. Oh, shit "You're not leaving my girl like that, are you?"

"Sorry, I really have to go"

"Oh, you're not leaving" he said, then pushed me toward his girlfriend "Now help her!"

"No!"

Next thing I knew, I was on the floor and my nose was bleeding. Shit. Damn. It hurt.

Two police officers ran to us, one quickly pulled me up, perhaps too fast, I got dizzy.

"I'm sorry, you two will have to come with us" the one holding me said. I panicked.

"What!?" I said "No way, I can't, my flight's leaving!"

"Sir, I'm sorry, you have to come with us"

"I said I'm not going!"

Well, next thing I knew, I had handcuffs and the police officer was dragging me to another room while the other officer was taking care of the guy that had hit me. We walked in front of a lady that had a list of flights and a microphone in front of her. I jumped over the microphone and the lady screamed in surprised.

"Abrianna, please, don't go!" I shouted. The police officer quickly jumped over me and pulled me away from the microphone. Oh, I was going to pay for this later "No, get away from me!!"

Ten minutes later I was in a small room, waiting for another secutiry guy, sitting in a chair, on my own. I looked at the clock in the wall; 12.43. Heavy tears ran down my eyes; I'd failed. Now I had no wife and no cousin. I didn't even try to hold back the tears, I gave a damn if someone came in and saw me crying, I'd lost the two things I loved the most, _forever_. I felt the tears falling over my shirt. I put my hands over my face and let my mind be consumed by sorrow, I would later have to pretend to be alright so now I was letting all out.

The door opened and I didn't look up.

"Are you sure about this, ma'am?" a male voice said. She didn't answer but just a second later, the police officer was taking my handcuffs off "Behave" he warned me.

I didn't answer, nor looked up either. Whoever it was, I didn't care. I didn't care about anything anymore. I heard the door close and thought I was alone again, until she spoke.

"You really know how to get in trouble, don't you?"

I looked up surprised, first thought it was an hallucination. She looked beautiful, wearing a long black coat and jeans, a suitcase in the floor just a meter away from her.

"What are you doing here?" was the first thing that came to my mind.

"I heard what you said in the microphone... Well, _everyone_ did" she smiled "There's no many people called Abrianna, you know?"

"You stayed" I said, nor sure of what to do or what to say.

"Yeah, well, I heard you shout '_get away from me_' too, I thought you were being kidnap."

I was too amazed to say anything at all.

She knelt down next to me and examined the blood in my nose.

"It doesn't look broken" she said more to herself than to me.

I took her face in my hands and just stared at her.

"You stayed" I said again.

"You already said that" she smiled.

"Are you leaving again?"

"Only if you're leaving me"

"I'm not, I promise. Please, don't leave. I don't want to have to run through the airport again" I smiled.

She giggled. I leaned down and kissed her softly.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked, pulling away "I mean, our family is going to freak out. The whole country is going to find out sooner or later.

"I don't care. In fact, I'm wearing my wedding suit. Why don't we get married?"

"What!?"

"Yes" I said, suddenly excited.

"I think you may have hurt your head aswell"

"Don't be ridiculous, I'm serious. Don't you want to marry me?"

"Of course I do" she looked at me seriously for a moment, then smiled. I smiled back.

"So... My dear _cousin_, will you marry me?"

And as her own way to say yes, she kissed me. Then I knew where I really belong, where I'd always belonged. Then I knew I would be hers forever.

**THE END**


End file.
